


Anemoia

by Eckham



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake AH Crew, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, OT6, Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-11-02 23:30:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10954989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eckham/pseuds/Eckham
Summary: Sometimes, if he let go of his mind, he caught wisps of memory. Small things. Indistinguishable shapes. Sometimes a certain shade of color did it. The deep purple of someone’s shirt out of the corner of his eye, or the flash of someones gold watch catching the sun just right. Sometimes it was a certain smell catching him off guard. The cologne on the cashier ringing him out at the store, the smell of gasoline as he walked into a gas station. Lighting a match and smelling the sulfur and watching the wood as it burned to nothing. But just as soon as it happened it was gone. He was still alone. Michael was beginning to think that's how it always would be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Welcome to Anemoia! This is a small plot bunny I've had for a little while (maybe just as long as my other story Tollens) that I decided to actually sit down and write. For those of you currently following Tollens, never fear! This is just a project I'll be working on in between chapters. How often I update this vs Tollens may vary however. This first chapter is an introduction to Michael as you'll know him here. Enjoy!

Life on the beach wasn't bad. Ocean City was a pretty okay place to make money. He had made a decent living, fixing boats during the peak parts of the warmer summer. From small boats to big yachts. Michael was a mechanic. Something about working with wires and metal felt familiar. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. He enjoyed working with his hands. Figuring out how things worked. Putting things back together. Making things whole again. It was worthwhile to him, who seldom felt that in his own life. The season was coming to an end however. The warm summer days were turning brisk, and suddenly the large crowds of locals and tourists attracted to the beach were thinner.

Only the most die hard surfers were braving the cooler ocean water now. He wasn't overly concerned. He had enough cash put away that he could live alright while looking for work in the docks during the winter season. His boss left him pretty much alone to his own devices as long as he upkept the small boat house he was letting Michael live in just off the coast. He would be returning from his extensive fishing trip as soon as the leaves started falling from the trees. Michael hoped to be out of his hair by then. He owed the man enough. 

It was at this particular boat house Michael found himself that afternoon. He was getting ready to make a trip further inland for the rest of the week. He stopped in front of the full length mirror hanging in one corner of his room. It was the first time he looked at himself in months.

He had definitely bulked up over the summer. The wounds from whatever had happened to him had long since healed. He’d be a fool to think that the scars littering his body were all from one accident. Some looked ancient, and some looked less recent than his newer ones, but still fresh. He wasn’t sure what sort of life he may have lead before, but it certainly wasn’t safe. He wasn’t sure, but he thought that some of the smaller ones could be old bullet wounds. 

He rubbed at his bare shoulder absently, feeling the familiar edges of the burn scar that he knew ran down his back. It will have been a year that Saturday that he had woken up in a hospital with no memory of any of his life leading up to that point. No wallet, no phone, nothing but the clothes on his back and a necklace around his neck. He had been found unconscious washed up on the beach of an island off the coast of Los Santos. Michael had long since stopped thinking about his early days into his new life, but the upcoming date had turned him contemplative.

He had no recollection of what he was doing there, or what had happened before he was found. All he had for clues were lacerations and burns littering his body of varying degrees, the worst being the burn on his back. Sometimes he caught whispers of the nurses outside his door when they thought he was sleeping. _Abuse._ _Amnesia._ _Concussion._ He had tolerated the pitying looks from the doctors and psychologists that came and went those first few days, the words didn’t really bother him. 

A single word said in the afternoon of his final day there as he was waking up from a fitful sleep is what tipped the scales. A word said that made his hairs stand on end. _Police._ Something about it made his gut wrench in fury. It was the first really strong emotion he had felt since waking up. Instincts he didn’t know he had, began whispering in his ear. _Run. They aren’t to be trusted. _Suddenly the pitying glances were suspicious. Puzzling. Sinister. And so he did. He waited until there was a shift change in the staff (something he hadn’t even realized he had been tracking) and walked out of the hospital while no one was paying attention. He never looked back.__

__Being homeless wasn’t the worst thing about that time in his life. He had felt comfortable on the streets. Like he knew how shit worked there. No. The worst thing was having no idea if he was supposed to be doing something. Anything. If anyone was waiting for him somewhere. But he couldn’t even begin to fathom how to go about finding that kind of information out. He had wandered for a while, barely getting by after resorting to stealing. After a week, he had woken up in an alley gasping for air. Michael. He knew his name was Michael. He was elated. It was the first real progress he had that alluded to a life beyond what he could remember. However, that progress was short lived. No matter how hard he tried, nothing else came to him about his life prior. It was a frustrating process, balancing trying to survive in a world that didn’t give two fucks about him and reconciling that maybe he would never really remember._ _

__He lived like that for a month. He mostly kept to himself. As the days wore on, there was a shift in the air. People were fidgety, as if waiting for hellfire to rain down on them from a source no one dared talk about. People were getting violent, and witnessing violent beatings of his fellow homeless for being in the wrong place at the wrong time became a daily occurrence. He knew he had to move on from the usual places he wandered. No one recognized him, and he didn’t recognize anything in turn. There was no point in staying in a place that would only serve to kill him for running his mouth. (A trait he had discovered he had a penchant for.)_ _

__Michael picked a direction and walked. And walked. And walked. Sometimes if he was lucky, he could hitch a ride with a generous trucker. Though when asked where he was headed, he could never come up with an answer more than “Whatever direction you’re going.”_ _

__He wasn’t sure it was meant to be. Michael wasn’t a big believer in fate. But a few months of aimlessly travelling, he had ended up in New Jersey. He had almost decided to maybe settle in Texas, but something inside him urged him onward after a few weeks. And he was glad he did. Something about New Jersey just felt...right. And for the second time, he had made a small bit of progress towards who he might’ve been before. Because as soon as he saw the giant sign welcoming him into the area, a small voice whispered in the back of his head. _Home.__ _

__But just because he had a clue to where he needed to be, it didn’t magically solve his problems. He had still basically been homeless the past five or six months. That certainly hadn’t done him any favors in the looks department when looking for a job. (Stealing was becoming cumbersome.) It took him awhile to find something he was good at. When you knew nothing about yourself, you couldn’t exactly list off your qualifications in an application. Luckily there was always labor needed on the docks. They hadn’t asked too many questions about where he came from or where he was going. He simply showed up, did his job and left. And the job itself was mostly heavy lifting. Straightforward. Simple. They paid him in cash. Something told him it wasn’t entirely legal that they did that, but based on the amount of homeless they were helping out by doing so, he couldn’t complain. It was there he had met his current boss. It was by complete accident that he had discovered his skill for machinery, and it didn’t take long for him and Michael to strike a deal._ _

__His phone ringing snapped him from his thoughts. He recognized the number and smiled._ _

__“Hey bitch, I thought I told you I was on vacation.” he answered, not bothering with the conventional hello. Andy laughed from the other end of the line._ _

__“Fuck you too. I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving town. Since Saturday is basically your birthday, thought I’d drop a line before you drop off the face of the earth for awhile.”_ _

__“Gee, didn’t know you cared so much. I might shed an actual tear over here. Though if this fake ID doesn’t work out I might have track you down and beat your ass.” Michael snickered, zipping up his backpack._ _

__“When have I steered you wrong? Wait. Don't answer that.” Andy backpedaled. They talked for a little while longer before Andy had to go. Hanging up the phone was harder than Michael wanted to admit._ _

__Lying awake at night sometimes, he couldn’t help the overwhelming loneliness that overtook him. He always had a feeling that he had missed a huge detail in his life that should have been obvious. That if he tried enough he might be able to remember at least a name. There had to be someone in his life that he cared about. That maybe sometimes he had people he cared about beyond the people he had connected with in his travels. Even beyond the people he had come to like here. He sighed. There was no use dwelling on that shit now. It hadn’t been easy, and there were times that he had certainly thought he wasn’t going to make it. But if this year had taught him anything about himself, it was that he was fucking resilient. He’d get through this, he had to. Instead of being at home mopey, he’d decided Saturday, the day he was found, was his fucking birthday._ _

__It was bizarre, thinking he had spent the year not knowing how old he was. That he had maybe spent a day out of the year doing nothing because he was none the wiser. It had actually been Andy’s idea. It was one of the rare occasions Michael had opened up about what was bothering him. It wasn’t long after that Andy had produced him an ID. Andy wouldn’t say exactly where he had procured such a thing, but Michael wasn’t going to ask questions. Having a document with his name, and the date of birth of his choosing was enough to make him feel just a little bit more grounded in his new life. He put on his shirt and tied up his shoes. Grabbing his backpack he head out the door._ _

__The bus stop wasn’t far from where he lived. He’d never bothered trying to get a car. Lack of documentation was a huge thing for one. And on top of that, Michael couldn’t really remember if he even knew how to drive. There was no way he could test that theory out. He knew how to drive boats, that was easy enough. He was sure driving couldn’t be that much different. More often than not he felt like a child trying to learn basic shit. Some stuff came easy. The things he’d known how to do the longest, but recent things? Those were lost on him. The closer he got up to the point of his accident, the spottier stuff became. Andy loved to give him shit about it._ _

__He waved at some of the beach goers as he passed. He’d become a bit of a known local for small things needing fixed. The regulars on the beach all knew him by name. Some had even hung out with him one or two times, but he usually kept people at a distance. Inevitably, they always asked questions he couldn’t answer. It always lead to uncomfortable silence or pitying looks. Andy was probably one of the only people that didn’t really give a shit. Even sometimes going as far as to make fun of him. It was refreshing in a way. On such beach goer looked up at him as he walked by._ _

__“Yo dude, you gonna be around later? Some of us are gonna be chillin’ by a bonfire later if you wanted to join.” He didn’t bother getting up from lounging on his towel. Michael waved him off._ _

__“Some people go shit do to rather than spend all day fucking around on the beach Jack. Rain check.” He rolled his eyes as Jack flipped him off._ _

__“I see you’re as prickly as ever. Never gonna catch a gal being an ass all the time bro.”_ _

__Michael didn’t respond, choosing to flip him off in return. Sometimes he could wait to get out of here. People in Ocean City were nosy as fuck. At least in land people minded their business. As soon as he had the money, he’d be out of there. Until then, he'd just have to keep ignoring everyone. Well, almost everyone. He couldn't very well bitch about being lonely if he secluded himself. Besides, he was tired of mourning a life he didn't even know enough about to warrant being sad. Maybe this trip was just what he needed. He was finally ready to let go and move on. Something special was waiting for him, he could feel it._ _

__It was enough for him to pick up the pace to catch his bus._ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, listen. You may think you are being spoiled with two chapters in one day, but let me tell you this is entirely self indulgent lol. Enjoy!

It wasn't terribly late, only ten o clock. And ten o'clock on a Saturday was practically nothing short of early. In Jersey at least. He found himself wandering the streets randomly. Sometimes, if he let go of his mind, he caught wisps of memory. Small things. Indistinguishable shapes. Sometimes a certain shade of color did it. The deep purple of someone’s shirt out of the corner of his eye, or the flash of someone's gold watch catching the sun just right. Sometimes it was a certain smell catching him off guard. The cologne on the cashier ringing him out at the store, the smell of gasoline as he walked into a gas station. Lighting a match and smelling the sulfur and watching the wood as it burned to nothing. But whenever he tried to grasp desperately at the flash of memory, it was gone just as quick. It was enough to leave Michael feeling empty.

This was one of those instances. It seemed like anytime he turned a corner, something familiar struck him. He remembered having a family once. That morning he had woken up in his shitty motel room feeling more nostalgic than he had ever thought possible. He’d resolved to spend the Saturday trying to let go, but life seemed to keep wanting to shove his past in his face. And it wasn’t like he was making progress either. The cock tease of vague memories assaulting him was enough to put him in a shitty mood. Happy fucking Birthday indeed. Instead of letting go like he was supposed to be doing, he’d spent all day running around chasing the residual feelings like a drug addict looking for his next fix.

Here he was. Feeling like a moron and actually thoroughly lost. Though he guessed Seaside Heights was pretty entertaining. The flashing lights of the colorful games and rides twinkled beautifully against the backdrop of the night sky. He had planned to go further inland originally, but upon catching his bus he’d overheard a couple chattering about Seaside. In a moment of spontaneity he’d changed his mind. People here seemed genuinely happy to be around. Even though he was pretty lost, the feeling itself wasn’t new to him. Turned out, Andy’s ID had actually held up much to his surprise. And he couldn’t help the giddy excitement when the first bartender he had encountered had looked up and wished him a happy birthday. He was determined to erase his shit mood and make the most of the last day of his trip before heading back to Ocean City the next day.

He walked along the boardwalk, watching people stumble around as the night wore on. The weather was nippy, but bearable. Michael didn’t mind it, but he wasn’t opposed to getting warmer somewhere. He picked a bar that had given him a vague feeling of comfort. Before he could walk in however, he heard the tell tale signs of an argument from the alley next to the building. Normally Michael would ignore such a thing, but something one of them said piqued his interest.

“Fuck off! Man can’ mourn in peace rou’ ‘ere?”

The words were slurred in a way that suggested whoever this guy was, he was extremely fucked up. And not in a ‘I’ve just had one too many beers’ kind of way. Michael peaked around the corner. A smaller man was being shoved up against the wall, and two guys were in his face.

“You took my fucking wallet. I’m not an idiot. Give it back before you become another statistic you piece of shit.” The man pinning the other guy snarled. The supposed thief in question didn’t look scared in the least. He just waved his hands lazily around, completely unconcerned.

“Didn’ take shit. Go ‘way.”

The man reached back, ready to pull the first punch. Michael rolled his eyes. He didn’t like getting involved in people’s business. He really didn’t. But there was just something really sad about the guy. And if it was one thing Michael hated, it was people picking on others weaker than them. He stepped into the alley and pulled out his phone. 

“Hit him, I dare you. I got a picture of you guys already and the police are on their way.” he said steadily. The two guys snapped their attention to Michael, dropping the poor fucked up guy. He slid to the floor ungracefully. His chin rested on his chest as he pitched to the side. Michael didn’t have time to be concerned before the two had begun advancing on him. 

“Really? Two on one? Fucking pussies.” he said, taking a couple of steps back to put some space between them. He really should have just gone into the bar.

“Give us the fucking phone asshole.” one of them said, holding his hand out.

“Not on your life. Get fucking lost and maybe I won’t show it to the police when they get here.” he bluffed. 

He really wasn’t looking for a fight. He’d gotten off pretty easy in that department the past year. Two on one might be rough. Maybe he was a fighter in his past (How could he not be based on his scars) but he certainly wasn’t sure he could do something like that now. Turns out he didn’t have to. The guy they’d just about beat up pulled out a golden gun from his waistband. Michaels would be assailants had their backs turned. They couldn’t see what was coming for them, but Michael did. His eyes widened as he scrambled out of the way. The guy’s hands were wobbly as he took aim. Michael didn’t want to accidentally get shot. He couldn’t remember what it was like, but he definitely wasn’t looking for a reminder.

The shot went wide, and a bullet glanced off of the wall next to them. It was muffled by the sounds of loud arcade games, but the chunk of brick crumbling was unmistakable. That was all the guys needed as an excuse to bolt. They shoulder checked Michael in an attempt to scramble out of the alley. Michael flipped them off as they ran away.

He was about to step out of the alley himself. He’d done his good deed, and tangling himself up in whatever this guy had going on was not something Michael was interested in doing. Who the hell carried a gun like that? It was insane. Better to just walk away before he got himself in trouble. The unmistakable sounds of sniffling came from somewhere behind him. He groaned. 

Slowly turning around he saw that the guy had curled himself up. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his gun dangled loosely from his hand. He had his face buried in his legs. All in all it wasn’t too bad, but when Michael saw his shoulders shaking he crumbled like a tower of cards. He slowly approached him. He didn’t want to get shot by startling the guy. He was obviously not in a good state right now. 

“Hey….uhh….you. Are you….okay?” Michael winced. Way to fucking go. Ask the guy who probably wants to be left alone a stupid fucking question. Of course he wasn’t okay.

The man laughed. It was high pitched and pained. 

“Of course. Of fu’kin course you’re ‘ere. I’m hallucinating aren’t I? Bloody hell. You even sound like ‘em this time.”

Michael wasn’t really sure where to go with that. It wasn’t an answer to his question really. He tried a different tactic. 

“Do you have someone with you? Did you lose them around here somewhere? I can call them if you want.”

The guy peeked out from over his arm. He flinched when he saw Michael and hid again. His pupils were blown wide. He was right, this guy was fucked up on more than just alcohol.

“No. I’m here ‘lone. No one. Not since. Well. You know.” he mumbled. Michael was getting frustrated. Nothing this guy was saying made sense. Sure, he was messed up, but surely he could provide Michael with some useful information? Something to help the guy get back to wherever he came from? He didn’t want a dead guy on his conscious. He took a look at the guy for more clues. He had an accent, Michael knew that much. It was kind of hard to tell with the amount of slurring he was doing, but it was definitely there. The next thing he noticed were his clothes. They were brand name, but dirty as hell. The guy looked like he hadn’t taken a shower in forever. His brunette hair was messed up and stuck out at odd angles. He could see the shape of a phone in one pocket, but Michael wasn’t about to make a grab for it. Not yet anyway. 

“Why’d you have to go an’ die? I miss you. Why do you only ever show up when I’m ready to let go? Why can’ you jus’ leave me be?” The guy cried. Clearly in his drugged up state he was mistaking Michael for someone else.

“What’s your name?” he tried. Maybe if he could get a name he could establish some sort of basic information. The man tensed as Michael addressed him again. Like the words he was saying were a physical blow. 

“S’Gav’n.” he said. Michael couldn’t quite make out the name. The guy’s voice was being muffled by his arm.

“What was that?” he asked again, hoping to get a clear answer. The guy didn’t seem to like that. He looked up suddenly, his face furious. Even with his pupils blown wide he managed to focus on Michael. He wasn’t sure which one was better, finally having the crazy guys attention or having him be mopey. Tears were flowing freely down his face. His expression went from furious to really pained looking in a matter of seconds as they looked into each other's eyes.

“M’name. It’s Gavin. Don’t be a minge. You’re an hall’cination. You know this already. That’s jus’ cruel innit. Askin’ my name.”

Michael raised an eyebrow at Gavin. Surely he was kidding. An hallucination? Well, he guessed it wasn’t that far fetched considering the circumstances. 

“Hate to break it to you, but I’m not an hallucination. Maybe I just look like someone you know. Or used to. Gimme your damn phone so I can call you a cab or something.”

Gavin studied him for a long moment. Michael impatiently gestured to his pocket. His face twisted and he pitched sideways. He threw up all over the pavement next to them. Michael scurried away and grabbed the gun out of Gavin’s hand before he could actually shoot at something again. Fucking gross. It wasn’t until Gavin started falling over did Michael realize the guy had passed out. Lunging forward he grabbed Gavin by the back of the shirt before he could fall over into his own pool of sick. Gavins head lulled sideways as he dragged him down to the other side of the alley. 

“You motherfucker. Why are you such a pain in the ass? I’m supposed to be getting wasted and forgetting about my problems like everything else. Now I’m stuck making sure you don’t kick the bucket.” he ranted, patting Gavin down for his phone. He placed the gun in the band of his jeans for safe keeping after flipping the safety on. He wasn’t sure how he knew that, but he’d learned to stop thinking to hard about mysterious knowledge about shit he seemed to have. 

Thumbing through Gavin’s texts was nothing short of sad. Either Gavin was a real asshole or he didn’t have many friends at all. Michael tried not to pry into the texts too much. He wasn’t an prick after all. But glancing at timestamps he knew Gavin hadn’t texted anyone in over a year. Hell, he hadn’t even made a phone call. And there was only a handful of contacts saved. Five to be exact. On this particular phone at least. Maybe it was his backup? It was the only thing on him, so Michael had no choice but to use it to try and get ahold of someone.

He didn’t want to call anyone for fear of interrupting something important, but he could at least try and text. People did that now more often than not anyway. He selected each contact. Jackie, Geoff, Rye-Bread (with a little skull emote by the name), Ray-Ray, and Boi (that one had a bear emote next to it. Michael thought it was kinda cute). He thought it was odd that they all head heart emojis next to their names on top of the seemingly personalized ones, but he wasn’t one to judge. He carefully crafted a text and sent it en masse.

_Hey. Found your friend. He’s kinda fucked up in a bad way? Someone in the area that can come pick his ass up?_

There. Hopefully someone would text back soon. In the meantime, he settled on trying to wake Gavin. He propped him up and shook him. 

“Hey dude. I need you to fucking wake up. I’m not dragging your ass out of here. I don’t have time for this shit.” Gavin mumbled something and latched onto him. Michael tried to pry him off but the harder he tried the harder Gavin grasped. After a couple of minutes he gave up. Gavin would squeeze the damn life out of him if he kept it up. They guy looked helpless, but his grip was strong. Michael settled for waiting for a response. If he couldn’t get Gavin to comply, surely someone he was more familiar with could. Looking down at Gavin’s sleeping form, he couldn’t find it in himself to mind.

* * *

To say he was pissed off was an understatement. He was _seething_. They had sat there for an hour and Michael had gotten zero response from Gavin’s phone. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. He couldn’t even justify that it was late. Surely, someone would have responded by now? Especially since he had stated that Gavin was in a bad way. No one was that much of a jerk that they’d leave a guy stranded? What if Michael had left? Just considered it not his problem after texting and gone his merry way? What could have happened to him? 

As much as he was pissed, his ass was also numb. He was tired of sitting here. He called for a cab on his phone. After that was done he shook Gavin again, this time more aggressively.

“Wake your ass up Gavin. I’m fucking leaving and if you don't want to sleep off whatever shit is in your system in an alley you’re coming with me.”

Gavin cracked his eyes open. He looked up at Michael before snuggling into his side again.

“Mnh. You’re ‘till ‘ere. M’dead or drugs p’etty good.” 

Michael didn’t bother responding. He wrapped one of his arms around Gavin’s waist and hauled him upward. He ignored the tingling in his legs as they came back to life. Gavin sagged in Michael's hold, almost sending them both careening to the ground.

“Goddammit asshole, work with me here. The cab is gonna be here any second!” Michael grunted, readjusting his grasp. Gavin to his credit seemed to be trying really hard to stay upright, his body just didn’t seem to want to cooperate. They settled into a weird sort of stumbled pace. They would stop when it seemed like Gavin was going to hurl again, but luckily it never came to that. No one paid them any mind as they made their way back down the boardwalk and away from foot traffic. Michael had no idea where they were. Luckily the cab service was amicable to helping Michael figure out where he was and give them directions to where the cab would be waiting. It wasn’t long before Michael was shoving Gavin into one side of the car and hopping in on the other side.

The cabbie eyed them from the front seat as Michael told him what Motel they would be headed to.

“Had a long night?” he questioned. It was an innocent enough inquiry, but the look he was giving them didn’t match the tone. Michael bristled.

“Something like that. Went out for my birthday and this asshole ends up being the one getting shit faced. What a jerk ammiright?” he said icily. He didn’t like what the cabbie was implying. And he certainly didn’t like the look they were being given. The cabbie didn’t seem satisfied with the answer. He kept glancing back at the both of them the entire car ride.

“Your birthday huh? Must be a big one to get so fucked. But you seem completely sober. How old you turnin’? Twenty one or sumthin’? I’d figured you’d both be shit faced at least.”

Oh. This wasn’t the kind of discussion Michael thought he’d be having at all. He thought Michael was kidnapping Gavin or some shit. Well that was way better than the alternative at least. He relaxed in his seat. He looked over at Gavin, who was staring out the window unblinkingly. He was kind of worried the guy had gone so silent suddenly.

“Nah. Not twenty one. To be honest we just met tonight. I tried to get a hold of his friends but no one came. I’m just booking him a room for the night. Couldn’t leave him for dead in an alley somewhere you know?”

The cabbie didn’t respond, but he seemed placated at least. The rest of the car ride passed in silence.When they pulled into the lot of the motel Gavin had passed out again. It took help from the cabbie to get Gavin settled on Michael's back, because Gavin was completely dead to the world.

The cabbie was giving him side eye. Good intentions aside Michael was getting kind of sick of it.

“Look, I’m not gonna have my wicked way with him alright? I don’t even remember if I swing that way. And if I did, I’m 100% certain limp unconscious body isn’t on the menu of things I like to order. So kindly fuck off and go about your way dude.”

The cabbie seemed taken aback by his statement, but nodded. Gavin chose that moment to tighten his arms around Michael’s neck and snuggle into Michael’s shoulder.

“Us’d to love it when you go’ so mad….”

Michael blushed furiously. “Shut the fuck Gavin. You don’t even know me you drugged up fuck. Wait. That came out wrong! Jesus!”

The cabbie pulled out his phone and began dialing a number. Michael reached out a hand and grabbed the cabbies wrist. 

“Look look look. I know what this looks like. But it ain’t that. I’m just trying to make sure he’ll be alright. He’s alone. I know what that fucking feels like. No one deserves to be left for dead like that alright? I swear.”

The cabbie studied him dubiously. 

“S’okay. He’s telling the truth. I’m alright. I got no one.” Gavin slurred. “Just let me have this one dream ‘kay? This one las’ night.” He waved at the cabbie before promptly biting Michael on the shoulder. It took all of Michael’s will power not to drop Gavin right then and there. The cabbie seemed to take that as answer enough. He sent one last disgusted look Michael’s way before getting back in his vehicle and driving away. 

“What the actual fuck Gavin. If you weren’t totally fucked up I’d beat the shit out of you.”

Gavin just nuzzled him further. Michael hurried to his room before he had a damn aneurysm. Navigating the door was difficult, but he managed to unlock it without dropping Gavin. He tossed Gavin onto the bed and rubbed his shoulder furiously. Gavin looked all the more like a lazy cat, stretching before curling up on the bed under the blankets. 

“There are three o’ you. S’weird. Like it tho. I know you’re...dead. That I’m making this up. But s’nice. Hearing from you again.”

Michael just stared at him. Whoever this person was, he must have meant a lot to Gavin. A pang of hurt bloomed in Michael’s chest. He had no idea what that felt like. But something told him he had, at one point. Looking at Gavin reminded him of that.

“Just go to bed Gavin.” was all he managed. He took the golden gun from his waistband and set it on the desk. But not before removing all of the bullets. He didn’t peg Gavin for the sort, but he also didn’t know Gavin at all. He took the time to wipe down the gun as well. He wasn’t sure if he wanted his prints tied to any stray weapon. Not that anyone knew who he was, but it never hurt to be sure. Gavin was still watching him. The look of adoration was unmistakable. Michael had to remind himself that it wasn’t meant for him. Not personally. He just happened to look like someone Gavin knew.

“Don’ wanna sleep. You’ll be gon’ when I wake up. I don’ think I can take that.” Gavin said mournfully. Fresh tears slid down his cheeks before disappearing into the sheets below. Michael bit his lip.

“Look. If it’ll make you feel better I’ll stay the night and make sure you don’t drown in your own vomit or some shit. This is my room anyway.”

Gavin nodded slowly before cuddling his pillow, wiping away the tears that kept coming. His smiled feebly as he dug around somewhere under the blankets. Michael thought for sure he was undressing and was about to give him a piece of his mind before he was stunned into silence. Gavin pulled out a wallet and waved it around lazily before setting it down on the table where his gun lay.

“G’night boi….” he whispered before closing his eyes.

“Night Gav.” Michael replied. The name made his heart stutter a little. He rubbed at his chest absently while he watched Gavin’s breathing even out. He picked up the wallet and flipped through it. Michael couldn’t help but snicker. It was Gavin’s attacker staring up at him from the driver’s license tucked into one of the flaps. This cheeky fucker really had stolen it. Michael shook his head and bit his knuckles. He’d stuck his neck out for an asshole that had actual done the crime he was being accused of. Holy. Shit.

Speaking of, he dug through his pockets and pulled out Gavin’s phone. Still no texts. He pulled up the contacts again, this time not being as careful with his words.

_To the assholes who couldn’t be bothered to answer your phones. You are shitty people. No matter how bad he is, you fucking help a dude out when he’s low. People who turn their backs on others are the worst. Fuck off and have a good life. Hope Gavin never has to see any of you fuckers again. Cause with friends like these who needs fucking enemies. To think this asshole had shitty heart emojis next to all of your names in his contacts. Fuck you. Peace out._

He set the phone down, satisfied with his text. True to his word, he looked after Gavin through the night to make sure he made it. As soon as the sun rose, he got up from the chair he had perched himself in and stretched. His back popped and he groaned. He definitely wouldn’t be doing that ever again. He gave Gavin’s sleeping form one last look before gathering his things and leaving. He closed the door quietly and head to the main office of the complex. He used the last bit of extra money he had to pay for an extra day for Gavin before heading out to catch his bus. 

He hadn’t left Gavin a note. He was sure he wouldn’t appreciate waking up to a total stranger. One, he wasn’t the guy Gavin wanted him to be. Michael didn’t really want to weather that look of disappointment when Gavin woke up and realized that. And two, there was no point in sticking around. He’d done his good deed. He understood where Gavin was coming from. Having no one, being alone. But Michael had his own problems. He’d helped the guy as much as he could. Gavin would have to find out his own place in the world now. 

Just like he did.


	3. Chapter 3

Two weeks went by before Michael even gave Seaside Heights a thought. The fact of the matter was that he was simply too busy to think about much else in his life. It wasn’t until he was at the docks one afternoon that it had crossed his mind. An odd conversation with one of the guys there had set things in motion in a way Michael had never anticipated.

“Hey Michael. There was a guy askin’ around about you a couple of days ago. No one said anything to him, but he was pretty determined to find you. Stuck around for a few hours before the boss ran him off.”

He set down the crate he’d been carrying and wiped his forehead. He wore a light jacket, jeans and heavy work boots. The attire wasn’t really helping how much he sweat during the day. He thought about the information he was just given. It wasn’t abnormal for someone to ask around for him if they were looking to hire him for a job. He was pretty well known locally as the go to guy for broken shit that needed fixing. It was odd that the dock workers had deemed someone unworthy of that sort of information. They could be a loyal bunch when they wanted to be. Michael had a feeling it was because most of them had come from less than honest backgrounds. Anyone deemed untrustworthy immediately got casted out.

“Did he say what he wanted? Leave a name?” Michael asked. He tried coming up with a list of names of people he thought it could be. No one really came to mind. The man, Embry, simply shook his head in return.

“He was being shifty about how he knew you or what he wanted. He looked like he just crawled out of a dumpster. That wouldn't have been an issue. ‘Cept he was carryin’ a piece on him. That's when the boss came around and ran him off. Had a funny accent though. Clearly wasn't from around here.”

Michael frowned. The only person he could think of that fit that description was Gavin, the man he’d met weeks prior. What the hell could he possibly want? And how had he tracked Michael down this far? It was unnerving to say the least. That was an awful lot of work just to show gratitude to someone. It made Michael uneasy. The fact that Gavin was still carrying around a most likely unregistered weapon spelt trouble. In fact, everything he knew about Gavin thus far spelt trouble. And the fact that he was here looking for him made everything worse. 

“Thanks Embry. Sorry for the trouble.” he replied, heading towards the dock office. If anyone had insight on what the hell was going on it would be the boss. A couple of more guys relayed a similar story as he made his way through the crate yard. He waved at them as he passed, indicating he’d been told as much. Eventually he found himself in front of the parked trailer where he knew the docks manager would be. He knocked and waited for a response. He’d only made the mistake of waltzing in without an answer once. Being run off of having any work for a week was not something he wanted to repeat. He had his boat business now, but this was a nice cushion should anything go bad with business.

“Come on in.” a gruff voice answered him. He entered cautiously, adjusting his coat as he did so. The room was small but neat. It smelt of cigarette smoke and old carpet. Schedules and boat times lined the walls, and a small tv sat perched in the corner. It was tuned to the national weather channel. Michael was almost certain that hadn’t changed since the 80’s. The docks manager in question, who was simply referred to as “boss” sat behind a rickety old desk. Michael actually really liked the man. His rough hands and muscles indicated years of hard labor. His grey hair always cropped in a buzz style made Michael think he’d been apart of the military at some point. Though he never dared ask. He was a no nonsense kind of guy. Always got straight to the point. His brother, Jonas, had been the one to take Michael in and give him a place to stay. He was also one of the few people who knew Michael had zero recollection of who he’d been prior to a year ago.

“Hey boss. Heard there was some trouble a couple of days ago.” Michael said.

“Not anything that couldn’t be handled.” Boss replied. He was filling out a ledger of some sort. He’d set the pencil down to give Michael his full attention. Another thing Michael liked about him. He always gave everyone the measure of respect he wanted in return. No matter where they came from or what they looked like. It made the fact that someone cause trouble looking for him worse.He shuffled his feet some and shrugged.

“Heard he was carrying. I just want to let you know I’d take care of it. And you know….sorry for the trouble.” He really did feel bad. Gavin was sort of his problem. He was the one that decided to help him. And for whatever reason Gavin deemed it necessary to track him down. Now Gavin was infringing on other people and causing problems. Michael couldn’t stand for that. He’d protect whatever semblance of a life he’d built up here, and he wouldn’t let anyone bother the people that had helped him along the way.

The Boss looked unimpressed with Michael’s apology and promises. In fact, he looked a bit miffed at his statement. He let Michael finish talking before he replied at least. That was a better reaction than some of the ones he’d gotten in the past. Boss could be grumpy when he wanted to be.

“Are you slow boy? What are you gonna do if he decides to shoot you? You should just let the law take care of it. A man should take care of his own problems, but there’s no sense in getting killed over ‘em. Call the police if it gets out of hand you moron. ‘I’ll take care of it’ he says. I swear to god kids these days. Always tryna prove something to someone.”

He got out of his chair in a huff before handing Michael an envelope full of cash. After more berating and a promise to stop by for dinner sometime he was let loose from the office. 

“And keep it outta the docks! If I gotta pull my old shotgun out and shoot the shit outta both of ya I will!” Boss yelled at him as he closed the door. Michael shook his head. If only that were an empty threat.

* * *

He spent the rest of the day with Gavin on his mind. What made it worse was that Gavin was leaving a trail in his wake. It seemed like everywhere he went that day someone had something to say about a random foreign guy looking for him. Gavin had heckled a lot of people about him until they had threatened to call the police. It was only then Gavin would back off and wander away. Most of the people approaching Michael about it where indignant their day had been interrupted. People in Jersey didn’t take kindly to nuisances. Gavin and certainly made himself one theses past couple of days as far as Michael could tell. Maybe if he switched up his routine then Gavin would give up and go back to where he came from. He really didn’t want to call the police if he didn’t have to. And a direct confrontation with a sober Gavin was a wild card encounter. It was with that in mind he spent the entire day in town. He had to make a couple of house calls he’d been putting off anyway. The season was coming to an end, which meant people were looking to made last minute repairs before it was too cold to do anything. There would still be pockets of warm weather ahead, but living so close to the ocean meant that could change in a heartbeat.

Almost to prove his point, an orange cat sauntered up next to him on the sidewalk. He groaned. Samantha was a local stray that hung around the beach area. She’s been here much longer than him, and would probably be here long after he was gone. She only sought him out when it was going to rain. They had a bit of a symbiotic relationship in that regard. She’d keep rodents and other bugs out of the boat house, and he’d give her shelter in bad weather. He hoped the sun overhead would hold out, but he knew better than to doubt the cat rubbing against his legs at the moment.

He hurried on to his last top before heading home. Samantha hung around the store front as he picked up groceries and an umbrella. He’d given the last one he had away. If cats could look smug, Samantha definitely had the look down as he threw a piece of tuna at her. It was amazing how fast the weather could turn. When he walked into the store, it was still warm outside and the sun was shining. When he left, the sky was gloomy and overcast. He quickened his pace, not wanting to get caught out in the rain that was surely coming. Avoiding the weather and playing around with Samantha had Michael forgetting about Gavin entirely. 

Though keeping pace and staying out of the rain was futile. Just as soon as he’d gotten to the shore the boat house sat on the rain had decided to start beating down. Michael barely had enough time to get his umbrella open before he and the poor tabby got drenched. He’d almost tripped over Samantha in her indignant spazz attack at getting wet. It was because of this that he didn’t initially see the figure pacing back and forth in front of his door.It wasn’t until Sam bolted out from under the cover of his umbrella and onto his small porch did he look up and realize there was someone there. He scowled when he realized it was Gavin.

He adjusted his grip on his bag of groceries and sized Gavin up. He hadn’t noticed Michael’s approach yet. The rain had masked any noises he could have made and the rain obscured any indication someone was approaching. Gavin had bent down and began petting Sam, cooing at her under his breath. She glowed under the attention, purring at him and running her side against Gavin’s legs. Michael could see a glint of gold peek out from Gavin’s shirt as the man bent down. This only irritated him further.

“Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused wandering around here being an idiot?” Michael called out to him. Gavin’s hand froze, hovering over Sam’s head. He continued to stare down at the cat. He refused to look up at Michael, even when addressed. Michael’s impatience won out and he continued.

“Because in case you hadn’t noticed, you’ve pissed a lot of people off with your bullshit. Including me. What the fuck are you doing here Gavin?” 

At the mention of his name, Gavin’s head finally snapped up. Gavin’s eyes locked onto his. Something about that made Michael’s heart flutter. He ignored it in favor of glowering at Gavin. He didn’t look any better from the last time he’d seen him. But at least he wasn’t drunk or high this time. His clothes were no less dirty, but it seemed that Gavin had changed them at some point the past two weeks. He’d either been travelling all of this time, or he’d been busy stealing. A small bag sat at Gavin’s feet where he’d knelt to pet Sam. Michael could see tears pooling in his eyes as Gavin took in every detail of his face.

Exasperated, Michael made to step onto the porch to get out of the rain. Instead, he was met with a solid form slamming into him. He tumbled backwards, dropping his groceries and umbrella in the process. With the full weight of Gavin on top of him, Michael had no chance of regaining his balance. They both fell backwards into the rain and wet sand. 

“Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael. My lovely, beautiful Michael.” Gavin sobbed, burying his head into the crook of Michael’s neck. Michael sputtered, trying to catch his breath. He’d broken Gavin’s fall with his body, and had the wind knocked out of him in the process. He hadn’t even meant to, his body had just moved on it’s own. This was insane. If he wasn’t sure of it he was now. This guy was fucking crazy. He pried Gavin off and scampered out of range of another hug attack. Gavin let him go with a confused look. The guy was lucky Michael hadn’t decked him for his trouble.

“What the actual fuck is your problem? Are you fucking crazy? Who the fuck do you think you are? Just because I save your ass one time doesn’t make us friends. Don’t fucking walk around hugging strangers you asshole!” Michael shouted over the rain. He got his bearings and stood, stomping past Gavin and scooping up his bag of almost ruined groceries now. He furiously wiped the wet hair out of his eyes and he looked around the beach for any stray produce he might have missed. Gavin simply stayed where he sat, observing Michael. He seemed to come to a realization, slowly standing.

“You….you don’t remember…..” he whispered. He tried to put a hand on Michael’s shoulders, but Michael ducked away from the touch. He whirled on Gavin and poked him in the chest. Gavin took a step back from the force of it and rubbed the spot. They were both completely soaked at this point.

“Of course I fucking remember. I remember very clearly saving your ass from getting beaten two weeks ago and giving you my room to sleep off whatever fucked up shit you ingested that night. You’re lucky I was there to make sure you didn’t fucking die you ass. And then you show up here and act like a fucking creep and bother everyone you can get your hands on just to stalk me. Go the fuck away Gavin. Whatever you’re selling I’m not buying.” He stomped towards his discarded umbrella and climbed back onto the porch. Gavin suddenly looked terrified at the prospect of Michael leaving his sight.

“Wait! No! That’s not what I meant! Michael please! I know you!” Gavin fumbled after him and made to follow him up the porch. Michael turned on him and stopped him short with the tip of his umbrella. 

“No you fucking don’t. One encount-” Michael began.

“No! Not that! I mean I know you! You don’t seem to remember! But I know who you are! Michael! Please! You have to believe me! I’m your boyfriend. One of them! We thought you died. We thought- but I knew! I kept looking. I had to know for sure. We never- I mean. ” Gavin broke down and knocked the umbrella out of the way. He grasped Michael by both of his arms and looked Michael in the eye. The grip was painfully tight, and there was a wildly desperate look in his eyes. “Please Michael. I know you don’t know. You couldn’t. But just give me a chance to prove it to you.”

Michael looked into the eyes of the stranger in front of him. All of this time he had hoped. Prayed even. That there was someone out there that may have known him from before. And the second he stops wondering, some crazy person lands on his doorstep with crazy claims that he knew Michael? It was too good to be true.

No. Michael wouldn’t get his hopes up. Not this time. Not ever again.

“You need serious mental help Gavin. Help I can’t give you. Get the fuck off my porch.” he shoved Gavin away. In one swift movement he unlocked the door and stepped through. Sam wasted no time in running in between his legs into the house. He made to slam the door, but a foot shoved itself in between it and the door jam. Gavin used the opportunity his foot gave him to shove a hand through as well. He gripped the door tightly, preventing Michael from shutting it further.

“There is a bullet scar above your right knee. It was meant for me. It wasn’t even a lethal shot but you shoved me out of the way any way.”

Michael paused. Gavin was right. There was a scar above his knee. Capitalizing on the pause, Gavin continued. His words were rushed and desperate. He tripped over his words in an attempt to get them out fast enough.

“There is a knife wound across your ribs. You got in a bar fight because someone got handsy with Ray and wouldn’t back off. You punched the guy right in the nose. His friends jumped you in an alley two days later. You fucked them up but one of them got a lucky shot in. You have a piercing in your right ear because you lost a drunken bet with Geoff and had to wear a heart shaped earring in it for a week. You have a burn on your left thigh because you accidentally set yourself on fire getting rid of evidence. You were too embarrassed to admit you’d done it sober so you told everyone you were wasted. I know because I have the footage. I have pictures Michael, hundreds of them. Thousands of them! Us at the beach. Together in the mountains. Of you and Jack playing Jenga. You and Ryan cleaning guns together. All of us before a heist. Michael... _I know you._ Please…” 

The last part came in a whisper. He heard Gavin sniffling from the other side of the door. They were slowly turning into deep broken hearted sobs. Michael bit his lip and cracked the door. Gavin’s shoulders were hunched and shaking. Gavin wasn’t looking at the door anymore. He was looking down at his feet. He’d retracted his hand as well. He was dripping everywhere. His wet clothes made him look smaller. Vulnerable. He was futily wiping at his face. It was dumb. No matter how much Gavin wiped the rain water and tears away they wouldn’t stop running down his face. He should just stop. Stop trying to keep the water from coming, stop trying to track Michael down. Stop trying to convince himself that Michael was the person he'd been looking for all this time. Stop hurting himself i this way really.

But something told Michael he wouldn't. Not until Michael at least heard him out. He thought about all of the people who had helped him come this far. How they had taken the time out of their day to hear him out all of those months ago. What kind of person would he be to turn someone in a similar position away? He couldn't help the small blossom of hope he felt as he thought over everything Gavin had said so far. It was fleeting, but it was there. For now he'd just focus on getting Gavin to stop terrorizing people for information. The rest could come later. He had just promised himself he wouldn't allow himself to feel this way after all.

Michael sighed and shut the door leaving him out there for a moment. Gavin let him shut the door this time. Everything Gavin had said was true. He wasn’t sure about the details, but he did have a piercing. He did have a burn on his thigh. The scar on his ribs were there. He felt heavy with this new information. Even with his new resolve to at least help Gavin get on his feet, this revelation weighed on him. What if Gavin really was who he claimed to be? The implications were huge. Michael couldn't even begin to untangle all of the emotions this was invoking within him. Walking towards his bathroom he pulled out one of the folded towels there. Sam meowed at the front door and pawed at it.

“Yeah yeah. I fucking get it.” he muttered at her. He could still hear Gavin crying on the other side. There was no denying the guy was sincere in what he was saying. Michael wasn’t sure how he felt about it all. But he knew whatever was about to happen, he couldn’t just leave Gavin out there. Not after everything he’d just said. Not after what he'd resolved to do. Michael took a deep breath, letting his hand rest on the door handle. Whatever happened now he'd deal with it one step at a time. He couldn't help but feel his life was about to change forever. It was an odd feeling to have. He gathered every ounce of courage he possessed.

He opened the door again. Throwing the towel at Gavin’s head he watched as the man squawked in surprise. Gavin pulled the towel from his head and looked over at Michael. His eyes were red and residual tears still streamed down his face. They stared at each other for a moment longer. The way Gavin was looking at him made a lump form in Michael's throat. Goddamn these confusing emotions. Michael answered Gavin's unspoken question by swinging the door open wider. He walked back into the house to grab another towel. He didn’t wait to see if Gavin would follow. 

“Grab the damn umbrella and grocery bag on your way in.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldnt leave y'all hanging with that last chapter, so I've got another one here for you. Thanks for all of your awesome comments last chapter! They really made my day :) also, I changed my name to an old handle of mine! Dont be alarmed. I havent been abducted lol

He heard Gavin step into the living room and close the door behind him. Michael took a minute to change into a fresh set of pajamas and towel his hair as dry as he could manage before returning to the bathroom. He grabbed more towels and brought them back out to the living room. Gavin was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. He clearly didn't want to get any furniture wet and had settled for wrapping the towel Michael had given him around his shoulders. The grocery bag, umbrella, and Gavin’s own bag sat at his feet. He was still sniffling, and occasionally hiccupped as he attempted to get his breathing under control. He was using the towel as a tissue. He’d at least had the forethought to remove his shoes. He stood barefoot now.

Michael beckoned him into the tiny kitchen. It was barely big enough for a table and a few chairs,but Michael had always managed. He pointed at one such chair and Gavin obediently sat down. Placing another towel in front of Gavin he set about cleaning up the trail of water and sand they'd both managed to track through the house. The whole ordeal went by silently.

Neither of them seemed to know what to say to one another. Gavin seemed to be at a loss for words now that he’d met his original goal. Michael was still reeling from this new information, and was no help in moving conversation along. He seemed content in immersing himself in menial tasks as Gavin watched him work. There was barely a wall dividing the living room from the kitchen after all.

It was sort of peaceful if a bit awkward. Rain beat down on the roof in a lulling rhythm. Rumbling thunder could be heard in the distance. Sam had taken to laying at Gavin’s feet. Whenever Michael had gotten close enough he could hear her purring. He shot her a betrayed look as he walked by. Stupid cat had no allegiance. Of course she had taken to Gavin so fast. What a traitor. He couldn’t really fault her though. Cats had a funny way of knowing when someone was in distress. And Gavin seemed to be the pinnacle of that at the moment.

Gavin had turned his attention from Michael to observing the rest of the house from his chair. It wasn’t like there was much to see. The living room was the biggest room of the house, and that wasn't saying much. An old green couch sat in front of an ancient tv, and matching recliner sat at an angle away from it. The wooden floors of the place were worn but in good condition. 

A stack of paperbacks sat on the glass top coffee table. Knick knacks and pictures lined the walls. Most of the decorations around the place were from his boss and his late wife, but there were touches of Michael throughout the place as well. An occasion tool, a cookbook checked out from the local library, some pictures of him and Andy at a bonfire. The kitchen was attached to the living room. There was just enough space for a refrigerator, a stove, and a microwave. A half wall converted into a breakfast bar was the only thing separating the kitchen from the living room. The only bedroom and bathroom were connected to the living room on the other side.

When Michael was done cleaning the water up, he grabbed a tissue box from the living room and placed it silently in front of Gavin. At that point, Gavin had begun shivering. He really didn’t want a sick person on his hands. He opened one of the cupboards and mulled over his options. Did Gavin like tea or coffee? Hot chocolate maybe? He was British right? All British people liked tea right? Was that racist? He agonized over that for a bit before Gavin sniffling behind him snapped him from his thoughts. Whatever. Tea would have to do. It wasn't his favorite, but he didn't hate it either. He put water on to boil and proceeded to put his partially salvaged groceries away. The silence was heavy between the two of them. So much so that he jumped a little when Gavin spoke up from the table behind him.

“I keep thinking this is just some dream. That I’m going to wake up and realize you’re still dead.” he said with a small voice.

Michael frowned a little. How was he supposed to respond to statements like that? A part of him was really scared to. What sort of things could Gavin possibly know about him? The prospect of having what you want after so long was terrifying to him. What if Gavin was wrong? What if in the end he wasn’t the person Gavin wanted him to be? He’d told himself he wouldn't get his hopes up. But hope was a terrible thing when it latched its claws into you. Impossible to get rid of and devastating when crushed. The millions of questions he’d always wanted to know the answer to bubbled to the surface of his mind. But he didn’t dare ask any of them. Not yet. Instead he just finished putting his things away.

He didn't know what to feel, about any of it. Hope mingled with anxiety and fear. It left him antsy, like there was something he needed to say on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't quite remember what it was. Or like he was on the very edge of a cliff looking straight down, without a parachute on his back. He tried his best to buy himself some time to work through some of it. Eventually though, he ran out of things he could do to distract from the conversation at hand. He reluctantly turned to face Gavin. The man was still sniffling and hiccupping. He had used a couple of the tissues he was given to blow his nose. His hair plastered to his face and his clothes still clung to him. The first towel Michael had given him was still wrapped around his shoulders. He was pale, and the dark circles under his eyes hadn't improved at all since the last time Michael had seen him. To put it mildly, Gavin looked like a trainwreck. Michael clicked his tongue when he realized Gavin hadn't touched the new towel Michael had given him.

“You’re fucking hopeless.” he said before grabbing the towel. He didn't think twice before throwing the towel over the top of Gavin’s head and scrubbing. Gavin sat stock still as Michael set about getting the excess water out of his hair. They sat like that for a minute until Michael was done. Pulling away the towel he snorted. Gavin looked fucking ridiculous now. His hair stood up at wild angles that made him look like a porcupine. He took pity on Gavin, who was managing to blush and look awestruck at him at the same time. Like Michael being this close to him was the best thing he’d ever seen in his life. How weird for him this must have all been. Seeing someone he had thought was dead all this time. Or he supposed in Gavin’s case, was determined to find out one way or another.

“Do you have an extra set of clothes you can change into? You’re dripping all over my fucking floor still.” he asked.

Gavin blinked out of his staring and looked down at the small pool of water and sand he was sitting in, like he had just remembered he was wet at all. Shifting around the towel on his shoulders made him look even sadder than before somehow. He looked reluctant to leave Michael’s line of sight. Michael could tell by the worried look Gavin sent him at the prospect of leaving to go change. He almost rolled his eyes. He was trying his best to be patient with the situation, but his nerves were frayed. Gavin giving him a minute alone wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. 

“This is where I live. I’m not fucking going anywhere. Go change. I'll be here when you get back. Promise.” he groused. This didn't really seem to pacify Gavin at all. Regardless, he reluctantly stood up and grabbed his small bag from the floor. After Michael told him which door the bathroom was Gavin practically jogged there.

He sighed as soon as he heard the door click shut. Michael used the opportunity of Gavin's absence to let himself freak out a little. He leaned on the kitchen counter and buried his head in his arms. Since Sam no longer had Gavin to cuddle up to, she’d decided Michael was the next best thing. Purring she rubbed against Michael's legs. He took slow and deep breaths. One step at a time. That's all he needed to do to get through this. Just take things one step at a time. Gavin didn’t seem like he was lying. That was a good first step. He rubbed at his shoulder absently. Rain had always made it ache at little. The storm had picked up significantly. It beat down violently on the roof. Michael wasn’t concerned. The house was old but sturdy. 

The sound of boiling water reminded him that he had tea to make. He could hear Gavin rummaging around the bathroom, so he knew he had a bit of time to get this thoughts in order. He pulled two mugs out of another cupboard and filled them with the water and tea bags. Setting Gavin’s mug on the other side of the table he sat down to wait for him to return. He couldn’t help but tap his foot anxiously. He had to keep reminding himself to take deep breaths. 

He started by listing all of the questions he wanted to know first out in his head in order of most important to least. What was his birthday? What was his last name, really? How had they met? What were his old hobbies? Of course, in typical fashion his thoughts ended up being cut short.

“This place is top, in a quaint kind of way. I can see why you like it here.” Gavin said from across the table. Michael hadn’t even noticed he’d come in. He glanced up from his mug. Gavin looked a lot better. He was wearing a shirt two sizes too big for him and just a pair of boxers.

“I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.” he replied honestly. Gavin sat down in the chair across from him and took a sip of his tea. His eyes were glued to Michael’s face. He shrugged.

“It means what it sounds like.” he said, feigning nonchalance. He didn’t quite pull it off though. Gavin looked fragile. He was measuring his words pretty carefully. Like anything he said or did could earn him a boot out the front door. He wasn’t wrong. Michael wasn’t above it pending if he deemed Gavin to be lying about anything. He scrutinized Gavin’s face for any signs of deception. There were none. Suddenly only one question popped into his mind. Everything he rehearsed got thrown out the window as he gazed at Gavin.

“One of them huh?” he said quietly. Gavin tilted his head. He seemed lost trying to follow Michael’s confusing line of thinking. Michael didnt blame him. He could barely make sense of his own thoughts either. He cleared his throat and rubbed his thumb along the rim of his mug.

“I mean you. You’re only one of them? Was I a cheater? How many of them did I have?” he clarified. Comprehension dawned on Gavin’s face and he smiled tentatively.

“No, not a cheater. There are five of us. You _have_ five of us. All together.” Gavin clarified, emphasizing the have. Something seemed to occur to him though, and he ended up backtracking. A little more vulnerable this time he added, “I mean. If you still...want us. Well. I guess I’m not really sure. We have been a bit….separate for awhile. Since your accident. Not immediately mind you. But there was some strain. It took us awhile to realize that maybe we all needed a break from….each other.” he trailed off and looked down at his mug.

Michael bit his lip. Five? Holy _fuck_. There were four other people out there? Who had mourned for him? He could barely handle Gavin, how the fuck was he supposed to deal with the fact that he’d been in a relationship with _four_ other people? Something else Gavin had said bothered him.

“You took a break from each other? But you’re still together right? You didn’t break up over me?” he asked. Gavin seemed really reluctant to answer. But he also seemed to know what was at stake here. If he dodged any questions Michael felt he deserved to know the answer to it wouldn’t go over well. For either of them.

“After you….disappeared...I was convinced you hadn’t died. You promised me. You promised Ryan. That you would come back to us no matter what. Never in the years that I’ve known you have you ever broken a promise to me. I know that it sounds flimsy when I say it out loud like that. But it was who we were to each other. We were a promise. Um….” Gavin’s voice began to wobble. He pursed his lips and angrily wiped at the fresh tears forming. 

He took a deep breath and continued shakily, “The more time went on the more convinced the others were that you were gone. Instead of looking for you alive they were looking for a body. Eventually even that stopped. But I had to know. One way or another I was going to bring you home. In a body bag or otherwise. It became my obsession. I think...I think I hurt them. I was a minge about it. I argued with every one of them. I fractured us as a unit. I couldn’t let you go and that was all they seemed to want to do. We said terrible things, did terrible things to each other. Ray left first, then Ryan, then Jack. Geoff stayed the longest with me. But I could tell I was hurting him the most. I pushed him away. He went willingly. Said not to call if it meant hurting myself with this fallacy any longer. We were together...but not. We didn’t break up or anything. But the message was clear. No one would be coming back together unless I was willing to move on. Eventually it was just me all alone. Always looking. Always waiting.”

Michael’s heart tore in two. He didn’t really know Gavin, but the hurt on his face was real. It was hard not to feel personally responsible for something he had no control over. But looking at Gavin brokenly try and hold back his tears made Michael want to go out and punch his past self for causing such goddamn issues.

“What the hell happened to me?” he whispered. Gavin nodded, seeming to expect this question next.

“I don’t know what you remember and what you don’t. But you were…..are? Apart of a crew. A big crew.The Fake Achievement Hunters of Los Santos. None of the things we did...do….are necessarily legal. You were our demo expert. We sent Ryan into deep cover to infiltrate a rival of ours. We were waiting for a report in when they got the jump on us. You were taken. When we tracked you down we knew you were being held on a boat off the coast of Los Santos. Ryan was already there undercover. We decided to drop the mission in favor of launching an attack to get you back. We lost you when the boat went down. That’s all I know. Ryan was the last person to see you. He refuses to tell anyone what happened. All he would say was that you were gone. That you’d broken your promise.” 

Michael mulled that information over. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised he was a part of a gang before. It only made sense given his innate knowledge of machinery and all of his scars. A small picture of who he might have been before began forming in his mind. He knew his personality well enough to know he would have probably fit in really well there. It was starting to sound an awful like the life he’d lead before was straight up psychotic. Suddenly Gavin’s personality made a lot more sense. He and Gavin fit before because not all of Gavin’s marbles seemed to be there, and apparently neither were his. 

“Do I have any family out there? Brothers? Sisters? Aunts or uncles? Anything?” he asked. The underlying question was obvious. Who else had he hurt by being gone? Gavin shook his head and shrugged again.

“The past is a touchy thing for all of us. It wasn’t something we ever really talked about to one another I think. We were always so focused on the future we never stopped to think to talk about where we came from. You never talked about it with me at least. I’m afraid I don't have those kinds of answers for you boi.” Gavin said regretfully.

He nodded. It was hard to not be a little upset about that. If he did what he thought he had done, I meant he might not ever learn about big parts of his life. Piecing together the puzzles seemed to rely solely on what he had and or hadn’t said to these people. And if what Gavin said was true, each of them held a different set of things they knew about him. Gavin might know things that one of the others didn’t, but the reverse was true as well. He thought about each of them. Rolled the names around in his head. He tried desperately to remember what they looked like. Nothing came to mind though. It only served to make his head hurt.

“Ryan, Ray, Geoff, and Jack. Those are the other four? Besides you…?” he said slowly. Another thought had occurred to him. He burst out laughing at the idiocy of it all. What that night two weeks ago meant to both of them had suddenly taken on new meaning. Specifically what he had done with Gavin’s phone. He couldn’t help but be a little mad about it too. 

“Holy fucking shit. You mean to tell me I fucking texted all of them yelling at them on your behalf, when all along they weren’t responding _because_ of me? Did I fucking text myself? Oh my fucking god. I text yelled at myself. I’m ‘Boi’ aren’t I? What the actual fuck. This is insane. This is fucking insane Gavin.” 

Michael covered his eyes with both of his hands. He tried to control his laughter. He really did. He knew he was a touch on the hysterical side with all of this. But he couldn’t help it. This had to be a fucking joke. He unknowingly had just contacted every person who had apparently meant something to him and them proceeded to walk away from it. Where they his exes? Current boyfriends? How could someone be in a relationship with five strangers? And he was a fucking criminal to boot. How was he supposed to _deal_ with that? Fuck. Out of all of the day dreaming, out of all of the hoping, this wasn’t something he had imagined at all. He knew he probably lived a more than average life. That based on his body there was a darkness that he would have to be prepared to take on. But this? He would have never expected this in a million years. This was just too fucking much.

“Yeah. You did. It was so like you it hurt. It’s how I knew that if I was going to give looking for you one last shot it had to be then. It was bloody brilliant. Every word you said. I was ready to give up. Had my heart set on it after all this time. But after seeing that? I couldn’t. Every word was you Michael.” Gavin said. Michael peeked at him in between his fingers. He was smiling warmly at him. Tears kept falling down his face again. Jesus Christ. There was just something inherintally wrong about seeing this man in pain. A part of him ached to take the hurt away. 

“What the fuck are you looking at me like that for? Why are you always looking at me like that?” he said irritably. “Quit crying alright? For some reason I especially hate seeing you do it. There’s no reason be sad.”

Gavin laughed at Michael’s words and wiped away the tears.

“I'm looking at you like this because I never thought I’d ever hear your laugh again. Because I never thought I’d see your face again. I’m not crying because I’m sad you bloody knob. I’m crying because I’m happy. Even when you’re scolding me I’m happy. And I’m terrified. That this isn’t real. That you will just disappear again. That maybe I’m dead and this is heaven or something.” Gavin took the box of tissues and grabbed a couple of more.

Michael couldn’t take anymore blows to his heart today. He’d officially thrown in the towel. There would be plenty of times later to ask the rest of his questions. For now he had to put a stop to this before Gavin made any more declarations. His face could only go so many shades of red before he’d explode from embarrassment.

“Alright. I think thats enough for today. You look like a walking corpse. Its getting late. We can talk about this tomorrow. I promise I’m not a fucking ghost, so you can calm your tits already.” he grumbled. Gavin smiled sadly at him.

“Sorry. I don’t know what's come over me. I’m not usually like this.” he said, getting up to follow him. 

“Don’t worry about it.” he said in return. “Grab the mugs and just throw them in the sink why don’t you? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you don’t have anywhere to stay right?”

Gavin shook his head no. Typical. The guy didn’t really seem to think much through. Not when he had a singular goal in mind anyway. Michael sighed. “Don’t have a heart attack, I’m just heading to get some pillows and blankets alright?”

Gavin nodded and grabbed their mugs from the table. Sam seemed content to leave them alone and had settled in a window sill to watch the storm outside. Her tail flicked back and forth as she watched the raindrops sink down the glass. Michael ignored her as he grabbed extra blankets and pillows from the closet in his bedroom. He set them up on the couch in a makeshift bed. He had almost finished when a particularly loud crack of thunder shook the house.

The room promptly fell dark and he cursed. He’d stubbed his toe trying to feel around the living room for the backup flashlight. Of fucking course. Off all the rotten luck, tonight was the night Michael was going to have to deal with a power outage. There was no fixing it in this weather. They would just have to be patient and wait for the lights to come back on their own or wait until morning.

“Michael?” Gavin called tentatively from somewhere in the kitchen.

“Don’t fucking worry about it Gavin. It’s just a stupid power outage.” he called out.

“Are you alright?” He asked. His voice was steadily getting louder as he made his way towards Michael in the dark.

“Yeah. I just stubbed my fucking toe. Oh! There you are.” he said. His hand had met with what felt like Gavin’s arm. He lead Gavin over to where he remembered the couch being. Gavin sat down on it and he could hear rustling as Gavin got comfortable. He could barely make out Gavin’s profile in the dark.

“I got your bed set up sort of. You can crash here for now. Power probably won't come on until after the storm passes. Sam makes a pretty good thunder buddy in the meantime.” Michael joked. He’d meant to say his good nights and leave, but a hand grabbed his wrist before he could head to his own room.

“Wait.” Gavin said quickly. Michael tugged his hand away but Gavin only gripped tighter. 

“What Gavin? If you hadn’t noticed, it’s been a long day.”

Gavin grabbed the hem of Michael’s shirt with his other hand. He tugged at it lightly. Michael suddenly wished he could see what kind expression Gavin had. It was hard to read someone when you couldn’t tell what their face looked like. There was another shift in blankets.

“Do you…..do you think I could sleep in your room? I don’t really want to be out here alone. Honestly, I’m scared of having you out of my sight. Just for tonight? Please?” Gavin pleaded. He could barely hear him over the sound of the rain outside.

Michael furrowed his eyebrows. He knew Gavin was a bit clingy. That he hadn’t come out of this situation without his own scars. He could see how Gavin might be scared of losing him all over again. But he also barely knew Gavin. Letting a stranger into his room to sleep was a bit much, even for Michael. On the other hand, he also knew what it was like to not want to be alone. He thought this dilemma over for a moment. There was no denying that something inside Michael compelled him to give Gavin what he wanted. But there had to be compromise. As much as something in his heart wanted to believe Gavin, he had to protect himself. Gavin could be an axe murderer for all he knew. It wasn't likely, but he had to be practical here. Something told him pushing Gavin away wasn’t the right course of action, as much as he might want to at that moment. Letting him stay here was a stretch to begin with. He bit his lip as he tried to come up with a solution that would work for the both of them.

He remembered something that had always helped him in the past. Something someone had taught him a long time ago to help him feel grounded when he was lost. Maybe Gavin was the same. A lost soul like him just trying to piece back together a broken life. Someone feeling like there was no ground beneath his feet. How long had Gavin been left alone in his seemingly hopeless search? How many nights had he gone to bed alone with nothing but his conviction to fight the onslaught of despair that threatened to drown him? Somehow, the choices his past self had made brought them to this point. It was his responsibility to at least try and make it a little better. Wasn't it?

Michael knelt down so he was eye level from where he thought Gavin sat on the couch. He took one of Gavin’s hands in his own and slowly turned it so it was palm up.

“Don’t move okay?” he breathed. He had no idea if Gavin had nodded, but his hand had gone lax. That was a good sign. 

Slowly, he raised Gavin’s hand to his own neck. He tilted his head slightly to the side and gently pressed Gavin's fingers to where he knew Gavin could feel his pulse. He held it there.

“Do you feel that?” he said softly. 

“Yeah. I feel it.” Gavin breathed softly back, leaning forward slightly at the contact.

“It means I’m really here. I’m alive. You found me Gavin. For better or worse. This isn't a dream. This isn’t some shit hallucination.” he took Gavin's other hand and pressed it against Gavin’s own neck. “Unless you’re about to tell me you're a goddamn vampire, I'm willing to bet you feel your own heartbeat too.” 

They sat like that in the dark for a long time. Michael lost count of the minutes. His knees began to hurt from kneeling so long. But he would wait for as long as Gavin needed. Lightning was the only indication that Gavin was still awake. The only other sounds besides their own breathing were Sam wandering around the house. Eventually he felt Gavins arm relax slightly. He took that as a sign that it was okay to let go.

He let Gavin’s hand fall from his neck. He kept Gavin's other hand pressed to his own pulse still as he took his opportunity to continue.

“Apparently my track record is pretty good with keeping promises. So believe me when I promise you I’ll just be in the other room. That I’ll be here in the morning when you wake up okay?"

Gavin hesitated before he withdrew his hand from Michael’s neck. They seemed to sit like that for an eternity before he finally got a response back.

Gavin let out a shaky breath.

“Okay."


	5. Chapter 5

“But Michael! You have to let me tell them! They have a right to know! They think you’re dead.” Gavin whined from the kitchen table. Michael was eating a bowl of cereal and managing to look simultaneously annoyed and half asleep at the same time. Dealing with Gavin in the mornings had proven to be a challenge to say the least. 

The first morning was easiest. Gavin seemed content to just watch him go about his day. He’d taken the day off to deal with the power outage in the house and to clear the beach of some of the debris that the storm had brought in. The more comfortable Gavin got though, the more outspoken he became. 

“We’ve talked about this Gavin. Maybe it’s better they don’t know. You said they’ve all started to move on right? Maybe it’s just better they continue doing that. They don’t need to know I don’t remember. It would only hurt them.” Michael deflected. Gavin laid his head on the table and watched him around his own bowl of cereal. Michael avoided his gaze. He wasn’t sure he could ever tell Gavin what he was really feeling about all of this so far. The guy was already so...hurt. Even leaving the room without telling Gavin where he was going was enough to send him into a slight panic. How could he even begin to explain all of the doubts plaguing him right now?

In truth he was afraid. Gavin had already seemed to expect so much out of him. He looked at Michael like he was the sun and the moon. He could tell Gavin was watching, always waiting, for some sign that his past self would magically reappear. But Michael didn’t know how to be the person Gavin saw when he looked at him. Gavin loved him, that much was obvious. But how did he feel about Gavin? It was a confusing mess of emotion he couldn’t decipher. 

He didn’t want Gavin to wait around for the rest of his life waiting for someone to come back that Michael wasn’t even sure would. The current him couldn’t possibly measure up. And even if by some miracle they were okay with the current him, would he be with them just because that’s what was expected of him? Was that even something he wanted? The whole ordeal was turning out to be way more miserable than he expected it to be. And to think that was with just Gavin here. How was he supposed to do this all over again with four other people?

“They wouldn’t mind boi. They love you. Finding out you’re alive is loads better than carrying on thinking you’re dead. Trust me, I know.” Gavin said. “And I can’t hold them off forever. Geoff’s been asking about where the hell I am. I’ve been dodging him since you texted, but he won’t put up with that much longer. Not with Jack up his arse.”

“I thought you said you were alone. That they wouldn’t be coming back around until you’d moved on.” Michael said, picking up his bowl and putting it in the sink. He grabbed Gavin’s while he was at it.

“They weren’t. But you opened pandora’s box with your text. They wanted space, but that doesn’t make them heartless bastards. They’d come back in a heartbeat if my life was in danger. And you made it sound like I was on my death bed or something.” Gavin whined. “It doesn’t help they know I’m still in Jersey. They want to know why I haven't come back. Why I’ve been vague. I think they think I’ve finally snapped and I’m walking around the streets deranged or something.”

“To be fair, when we met you kind of were.” Michael sniped as he washed the dishes. 

“Rude! I wasn’t deranged, I’d just have a few bevs too many.” Michael levelled him with a look of disbelief. Gavin sunk into his chair a little further. “…..Amongst other things. But that’s not the point! I was perfectly fine handling those blokes on my own.”

“You couldn’t even fucking walk. The cabbie thought I was a rapist Gavin. A fucking rapist! I almost got arrested because you couldn’t keep your fat mouth shut. You bit me you asshole!”

Gavin’s face tinged pink at that. He looked like he was trying to fuse with the chair in embarrassment. He covered his face with both hands to try and hide his face from Michael.

“I don’t remember doing that. Besides, you used to like it when I did tha-”

“ _OK_ ay! Nope! We aren’t having this conversation. No. _Nope._ Not today. It’s too early for this. Too fucking early.” Michael interrupted holding his hands up and waving them wildly. If Gavin’s blush could be considered pink, Michael was well on his way to being scarlett. He side stepped out of the kitchen and hurried to his bedroom.

“Wait! Where are you going Michael?” Gavin said. He heard the chair scrape backwards and Gavin’s footsteps approach him. Before Gavin could crowd into his room, a place he did _not_ want to think about Gavin being in at the moment, he shut the door. 

“I have to get ready for work. You know, that thing people do for money instead of free loading on random strangers couches.” he said.

He couldn’t see Gavin, but he could tell he was pacing. He could see the shadow going back and forth under the door. He wasn’t lying, he really did have to get back to work. He couldn’t spend all day messing around with Gavin anymore. Life didn’t pause for earth shattering revelations. He had responsibilities to his clients to get their boats up to par. 

“Didn’t we talk about this? You have money Michael. Quite a lot of it actually. No one touched your assets after you disappeared. Everything is still there. All of your properties, your investments, even that stash up in the mountains in case things really went to shit. You don’t have to work anymore.” Gavin said through the door.

Michael cracked the door open slightly and squinted in suspicion at Gavin.

“How many zeros are we talkin’ here?” he asked slowly. Gavin shrugged before holding up some fingers. Michael shut the door in Gavin’s face and about had a heart attack. 

“I mean, that’s kind of a rough guess. We have a finance guy for that sort of thing.” Gavin said. As if it was so little and he was trying to justify it. How the fuck had this become his life? This was suspicious as fuck. Like some Nigerian prince scam come to life or some shit. Another thought occurred to him as he pulled on his work boots. He walked back out into the living room and brushed past Gavin in the process.

“If I’m so rich that must mean you are too. So why the fuck did you show up here looking like you lived in a dumpster and why are you crashing here? How the fuck did you find me here anyway?”

Gavin followed him and pulled on his own shoes. When it was obvious Michael was going to leave whether he liked it or not, Gavin had decided to follow him. His clothes had been laundered and he was wearing the same outfit he had on when they met. It seemed Gavin had only been carrying around his phone, two outfits, and some night wear in his small bag.

“After I woke up alone I thought I’d dreamed everything. Then I saw the text you’d sent everyone. After that I was convinced. Except why would you send a text to yourself? It didn’t make sense. So even though I was sure, on the off chance it wasn’t I at least wanted to find the chap who took care of me. To say thanks. I went to the front office and found out you paid for another day, and so I “borrowed” the security footage of the office. It was shit, but the person in the footage also looked like you. I looked at the copy of your ID they took, and there you were. But the address on there was fake. Had to track down the bloke that made the ID. Took me ages. When I finally tracked down who’d done it I found out the person who paid for it was someone named Andy. That’s when I came to the town Andy lived, here, and started asking around about you. Everyone was surprisingly tight lipped. This Andy fellow was out of town so I couldn’t ask him. Eventually I came to the beach. One of the surfers pointed me to this house. I knew if I waited here long enough you might show up. I was half convinced I was mad for doing this until I saw you. There was no mistaking it then. Especially with the classic Michael scowl on your face.” Gavin explained smiling.

Michael looked at Gavin wordlessly. Gavin was a lot of things, smart, funny, maybe a little crazy. But a threat? Maybe to Michael’s sanity. But never an _actual_ threat. Sure, he thought Gavin could be an axe murderer, but he'd thrown that suspicion out really quick after Sam brought a dead mouse to the porch yesterday and Gavin almost puked everywhere. He never thought that Gavin could be so scary. How he had tracked someone down through sheer will and intelligence was impressive. Michael suddenly got the feeling Gavin could probably destroy a persons life if he wanted to. That he could do more than he was letting on. Gavin had told him what he did for the Fakes before, and now Michael sort of understood a bit of what that meant now.

He was also suddenly very aware that no matter how far he went, now that Gavin knew where he was there was nowhere he could go where Gavin couldn’t find him. It was oddly terrifying and comforting at the same time. It had only been a couple of days since Gavin had shown up, and already he had slotted himself into Michael's life so easily. Michael thought it would feel really unnatural having someone suddenly be around all of the time. In some ways it was. But it also just felt natural to talk and be around Gavin. Everything about Gavin felt comfortable to him somehow.Michael only half listened to Gavin’s chatter as he digested all of this information.

“That doesn’t explain why the fuck you’re sleeping on the couch and why you were filthy.” he said, deciding not to comment on the rest of Gavin’s story. They were walking down the beach now, and Gavin had taken to kicking up sand once in awhile as he talked. He paused in whatever he was saying and tensed. This was something Gavin clearly didn’t want to talk about. He could practically see the moment his face closed off. Odd. Gavin was usually really open with any questions Michael had. Michael pushed a little further.

“Look, I’m just going to be really straight with you here. If you lie to me for even a second your ass is sleeping on the beach. Or elsewhere. Because I know you aren’t fucking poor. So think really carefully about what you’re about to say to me. I’m not fucking around.”

Gavin stopped short. He looked some parts offended some parts wounded at Michael’s statement. Michael only raised an eyebrow, waiting for whatever Gavin was about to say. He felt like an ass for putting Gavin on the spot, but it had to be done. This fear inside him pushed him to probe. He had to know that he was doing the right thing here by letting Gavin be around. He had to know that at the very least, he could start trusting Gavin. 

They were on shaky ground to begin with, and Gavin wasn’t the best at getting to the point of things. He had a tendency to talk around the problem until suddenly Michael found himself derailed from the original topic. He wasn’t going to let that happen this time.

“We’ve lived together for years before, and you don’t seem to mind now? I don’t see the problem here.” Gavin said, deflecting. Not the right move.

“Not good enough Gavin. Looks like we’re done here.” Michael said, stalking off. 

“Michael wait! Don’t leave!” Gavin said desperately. It wasn’t unlike the tone he’d used that first night on the couch. It was almost enough to make Michael stop and give him another shot. But not quite.

“If you can’t tell me what I want to know, then this isn’t going to work. The problem is I don’t know you Gavin. That’s it. This is a one way street of information. You can’t even show me these pictures you claim to have. I know you knew me before. I believe that. But how do I know everything else you're telling me is also true?" Michael called back over his shoulder. Gavin was stumbling behind him, trying to keep pace. But he wasn’t used to talking on the uneven surface of the beach. He had to walk twice as fast just to keep up.

“I told you! I don’t have them on this phone! It’s just a burner! Michael slow down!”

“No Gavin! You had your chance! If you can’t be straight with me we’re done here. There is zero reason for you to stay at the house if you could be staying somewhe-”

“It’s because I didn’t care!” Gavin interrupted.

That made Michael pause. What was he on about? What did he mean he didn’t care? He turned around and looked at Gavin. The guy was bent over with his hands on his knees. He was breathing heavily from trying to keep pace. He started talking, but he refused to look at Michael, instead staring down at his feet.

“I didn’t care. About anything but finding you. I have money. Of course I have money. But it didn’t seem right to use it for my own comfort when you could be lost and alone out there somewhere. It didn’t seem right to me that I live a posh life while you were missing. The only reason I lived normally for awhile was because everyone else was worried. They looked out for me, made me take breaks, eat, sleep, shower. Despite their own pain they made sure to keep looking out for me. I made everything worse. I was an added worry while they were trying to deal with their own grief. When they were gone I didn’t see a need for it any more. For any of it. I could focus on my search. I promised myself I’d only use the bare minimum to scrape by. The cars, the clothes, the gadgets, it didn’t mean anything to me anymore with no one there to share it with. I realized I’d give it all up if it meant I could find you. I didn’t care about taking care of myself Michael. I didn't care about eating or sleeping or taking breaks. Living like this, being like this, I hurt the people who cared about me. Admitting I didn’t care about myself meant saying that out loud.” 

That was...entirely unexpected. Michael felt like a piece of shit. Fuck his feelings. They came second to this. This was wrong. It was wrong of him to force Gavin to say any of this. He’d been so preoccupied trying to sort through his own feelings that he’d missed what was right in front of him. He’d forced Gavin into re living something he didn’t want to. He knew how important he must be to Gavin, and he’d dangled that in front of Gavin’s face just to get information. He was scared. Of Gavin, of his feelings, of being alone again. But most of all, he was scared he’d fuck this up somehow. But he would set that all aside for now. His hurt came second. He didn’t know Gavin, but he was going to. He’d get to know him more. He’d extend the olive branch. He repeated his mantra. One step at a time. They could do this one step at a time. And the first step was making sure Gavin knew he wasn’t going anywhere. He wasn't really good with words. But he could start with something small. Something he had a feeling Gavin needed. 

Michael took two steps forward and pulled Gavin into his arms in an embrace. He rested his hand on the back of Gavin's head and hugged him. There was only a split second of hesitation before Gavin wrapped his hands around Michael’s waist and buried his head into Michael’s shoulder. Gavin smelt like his shampoo. Michael kind of liked it. He was warm despite the chilly morning. It had been a long time since Michael had gone out of his way to hug anybody. He'd never admit it out loud, but it felt kind if nice. Maybe he needed this just as much as Gavin did.

“Alright. I believe you.” Michael said. Gavin squeezed his waist harder. His voice came out muffled as he talked into Michael’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled. “I know I could be staying somewhere else. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to be apart from you anymore. I want our family back.”

Michael hesitated. 

“Just give me some time okay Gav? I’ve been alone for a long time. Give me a chance to warm up to this a little first. Please. I’m not leaving the others hanging, I just need a day or so to adjust.” he said. Compromise. It was better than this morning at least, when he didn’t want to tell the others at all. He could give Gavin a little bit of slack as long as Gavin would stop pushing though. He could do that much.

Gavin pulled away a little and met Michael’s gaze. Michael hadn’t realized how close Gavin’s face was to his until that very second. He was trapped by the interesting color of his eyes. They stared up at him intensely.

“You called me Gav.” Gavin whispered up at him. "That's what you used to call me before. You hadn't done it since I found you..." 

“Yeah. Yeah I did.” he whispered back. "Sounds more natural saying it that way funnily enough."

Their faces were inches apart. It would be nothing to close the gap between them….it would be easy to fall into this. To get swept away just because he could.

He leaned in, and Gavin tilted his head up. Before their lips could meet he turned his head away at the last second. He grabbed Gavin’s shoulder and promptly bit down hard.

“Ow! Bloody hell! What was that for you minge!” Gavin cried scrambling backwards. The moment was shattered. He rubbed at his shoulder indignantly as Michael laughed. 

“That was revenge for you fucking biting me two weeks ago you fucking bitch. A rapist Gavin! He thought I was a rapist. Fuck you!” he flipped Gavin off and started towards the docks. Gavin squawked indignantly and followed behind. 

“You’re a cruel cruel man Michael Jones. The worst. Just the worst.” Gavin sulked, continuing to rub his shoulder.

“I’m not going to kiss a stranger. What do you take me for? Some cheap ho? I’m a classy bitch. You gotta take me out to dinner first at least.” Michael joked, shoving his hands into his pockets. It was still weird hearing his actual last name.

Yes, it would be easy to get swept up. To fall into Gavin's arms and pretend everything was okay. But it wasn’t. Not for him and very clearly now not for Gavin. There were still plenty of questions. Still things to talk about. Gavin was his boyfriend before, but it wasn’t like that now. He couldn’t fall into being that person for Gavin. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. But he could acknowledge it. At least a little. Gavin shoved him playfully, seemingly grateful Michael had dropped the subject of his living situation and what had lead him here.

For the first time in a long time Michael felt like everything would work itself out.


	6. Chapter 6

“Don’t panic Michael, but I think I’m being followed.” Gavin said, pretending to be interested in a stand selling an assortment of gimmicky shirts. Michael stood next to him and idly picked up a red and black one. It had a giant bottle of hot sauce with “Hot Shit” in giant letters beneath it.

“Who the fuck did you piss off this time?” he replied back, holding up the shirt to his own frame. The salesman was currently preoccupied with a tourist couple, he wasn’t paying them any mind. Gavin made an indignant sound. Michael was showing him around the boardwalk in hopes that he would burn some nervous energy. Michael could tell that something had been bothering him. It was easy to tell in the way the Gavin glanced at his phone every five minutes. It was probably eating away at him that he’d found Michael but wasn’t able to say anything to anyone about it.

Gavin had never said outright, and Michael was afraid to ask for once. His pacing and hovering was getting more than a little annoying though. It only took one disastrous day of taking Gavin on his rounds in town for Michael to realize they were going to have to figure out a different way to give Gavin what he needed and give Michael space at the same time. For now this would have to do. He didn’t normally traverse the more touristy spots in the area, but maybe it would do them some good to show Gavin where he had been living the better part of the year. It was going fine, and Gavin had finally started to relax, of course until he’d noticed their tails.

“No one! …..Well. No one recently anyway!” His tone sounded doubtful. Michael took a deep breath. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised by this by now. Gavin didn’t seem like the sort to really keep track of every single person he’d managed to piss off. Often times Gavin did it unintentionally anyway. The number of people that would be willing to jump him for any bad blood though? That number was probably a lot smaller. He could only hope. There was only so much Michael’s poor heart could take.

A huge group of teenagers walked by the booth and Michael grabbed Gavin’s hand. He pulled them towards the crowd and slowed their pace to match. It didn’t seem like they were interested in Michael or Gavin in the least. They went about their business laughing and taking photos. Gavin had managed to catch a glance at the people following them. He’d described them, but Michael didn’t want to look around to see if he could spot them. That would give away that they knew they were being watched. Instinct told Michael the key to getting rid of a person who thought they had the drop on you was to get the drop on them first. The element of surprise was everything. And Michael could use the fact that they didn’t care about his presence, only Gavin’s, to his advantage. 

He wasn’t sure of Gavin’s fighting capability. Hell, he wasn’t even sure of his own at this point. All he knew was that the mental image of seeing Gavin in any sort of harm's way made his stomach turn. He didn’t want this to come to violence if it could be avoided, but he knew what he would do if they were cornered with no other choice. The realization helped Michael feel a little more settled about the situation. He took a deep breath and spoke while keeping his eyes forward.

“What’s the plan?” he said to Gavin, deferring to his judgment on the matter. He hated to admit it, but Gavin had the most expertise dealing with this sort of thing out of the two of them. Michael had his instinct and stronger stature, but he was man enough to admit it was probably a far cry from what he used to be capable of. Gavin glanced at him, clearly surprised Michael had given him control of the situation so easily. The look made him irritated. He snapped his fingers twice in quick succession. 

“We don’t have all day Gav, I’m sure as shit not leading them back to the house, and clearly we will be at a disadvantage in a straight up fight. Unless you have some crazy karate moves up your sleeve you’ve neglected to tell me about.”

Gavin bit his lip and shook his head.

“The only way to deal with this is to lose them. We can use the boardwalk crowds to our advantage. We can worry about what they want later yeah?”

He nodded. One of the girls in front of them opened a compact mirror. Michael glanced at it, hoping to get an angle on the people following. No dice. He grit his teeth a little and took Gavin by the hand, pulling him into a side street leading towards the amusement rides area. They entered the next street.

“Alright. Just act natural and pretend like we’re just hanging out. Chances are they are only getting paid to observe. Stay close, and if we start getting separated throw some elbows” Michael said firmly, weaving their way through a particularly dense crowd of people as they exit the side street.

“Isn’t that a bit rude?” Gavin said, trying to look inconspicuous looking around.

Michael snorted. “It’s fucking Jersey Gavin, an elbow in the ribs isn’t uncommon around here.”

They walked for a little while before Michael spoke up again.

“Did you see any sort of symbol on them? Maybe a trademark of a rival gang or something? Could it be the FBI? Christ don’t tell me it’s the FBI.” Michael mused, looking down the way at a crying kid and a put out looking mother trying to calm her child.

“I don’t know, it could be anyone. I’ve been out of the loop for a bit.” Gavin grimaced. He looked worn and stressed by the thought. Michael pursed his lips and looked down at his hands. He didn’t want to take this as serious as it probably was, but if Gavin of all people was concerned maybe he should.

“If….I mean...if this is really something we gotta be concerned about….maybe you could call in backup? You don’t have to necessarily say I’m here.” he said hesitantly. If it meant protecting Gavin, it wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. Gavin let out a long breath.

“I could, but Geoff went radio silent two days ago after I dodged a phone call of his. I turned off the GPS on the phone when I realized he’d been looking to see where I was at. It pissed him off and he hasn’t responded to any messages since.”

He gaped at Gavin angrily. “Why the hell didn’t you say something?”

“I didn’t want to stress you out or feel pressured to say yes to anything before you were ready.” Gavin shrugged.

Michael couldn’t tell if it was because they were followed or if it was Geoff, but nervous energy practically rolled off of Gavin in waves. His eyes were tight with anxiety and an expression he couldn’t identify. It didn’t seem like Gavin was fazed by much (except for maybe him just existing in general), and it wasn’t a look Michael had seen on him before. His face was pale and he had sweat through parts of his shirt. There was a slight tremor in his hand. Either this situation was really bad or something else was on Gavin’s mind. He didn’t look too far off from having some sort of fit. Michael looked around and saw a slushie stand just a little ways away. There wasn’t a whole lot they could do at this point, they couldn’t just hang around forever and hope they lost whoever was following them.

“Sit tight for a second, I’m going to get us something to drink. You look like shit.” he said to Gavin as he stood. Gavin didn’t look like he wanted to let him go, but Michael cut him off before he could protest.

“I’ll be just a little ways away. Just sit tight and get your shit together. Take a couple deep breaths. Whatever the fuck you do to get to your happy place. I’ll be right back.” 

Gavin smiled at that. “Always taking care of me aren’t you? Even now.”

“Somebody fucking as to.” he replied rolling his eyes. 

Pushing through the crowd to get in line was easy. He glanced back at Gavin every few seconds or so, keeping watch to make sure he stayed put. 

If he wasn’t already paying attention, he might not have noticed, but Gavin was really trying to put on a brave face for him. Clearly the stress was getting to him. And this whole being followed thing made it worse. Michael wasn’t sure what was going on, but he was determined to figure it out. He was half tempted to see if they could turn on one of their pursuers and get some information out of them somehow. 

He frowned at that line of thinking. What were they gonna do? Torture someone? He wrinkled his nose at the thought. Gavin didn’t have the stomach for it, and he most certainly wasn’t going to pick up that slack.

Something caught out of the corner of his eye. He glanced up and paused. The wailing child and his mother had been standing a few feet away. The kid in a fit had flailed his arms, sending his ice cream flying into a person walking by. This wasn’t what caught Michaels attention however. The stranger hit by the dessert stumbled back in shock, and for a brief moment Michael saw the glint of a holster. He met the description of one of the men Gavin had seen following them. He looked quickly away before the tracker realized Michael had been staring. The man had gone about assuring the mother he didn’t need compensation, obviously not liking the amount of attention he was receiving from the incident.

They’d been operating on the assumption that these guys were here to observe only. But a gun changed things. A lot. How the fuck were they supposed to live knowing that armed people were stalking around after them? Maybe they were here to observe, but who knew when that would change.

He bought his drinks and watched out of the corner of his eye as the tracked melded back into the crowds. He resisted the urge to jog back to Gavin, instead adopting an easy gait. He wasn’t sure if he was just doing a shit job at hiding his stress or if Gavin was just that good at reading him. Either way Gavin noticed immediately something was wrong when he approached.

“What happened?” He questioned, taking the drink from Michael’s hand gratefully.

“I spot one of them. Some kid knocked into him. He was carrying.” Michael responded.

Gavin frowned at that. He took a sip of his drink as Michael leaned casually on the wall next to him. He had pulled out his phone and starting pulling up images on it.

“I can’t do anything unless we have more information on them. You were onto something with those questions earlier. We get as much info on them as we can without them knowing they’ve been caught. Once we know what we are up against I’ll try calling Geoff again. Sound good?” Gavin said, nudging him a little playfully. He knew Gavin was playing it up for their stalkers. The nudge might have been meant to be playful, but Gavin’s eyes said otherwise.

“Alright, where to?” he responded, finishing his drink. The drink for Gav seemed to be the right call, since he looked a little better after drinking his. He lifted his phone and showed him a map of the area. He pointed at a building across the boardwalk.

* * *

They zig zagged through the area, doing loop arounds and ducking into different buildings. Gavin had lost sight of the people following them awhile ago, and they were just beginning to feel slightly relaxed again. Like this plan wasn’t as dangerous as it seemed. The sounds of roller coasters and the steady upbeat ting of the game section of the area did well to cover conversation. They walked into a mirror maze, looking for any sign of the trackers they had spotted. Or the one Michael had seen with the weapon at the very least. The building had been closed for renovation, but it was the perfect place to get a good look at who might be following. Gavin had picked it out specifically because of this. It was risky leaving the safety of crowded areas, but it was one they would have to take.

They snickered quietly at a couple of ridiculous shaped mirrors that made them look short and stumpy, and some that made them look like bean poles. Gavin had just turned to him to say something when the sound of a shoe scuffing had Michael stop Gavin with his arm. They crouched down low, and Michael put a finger to his lips to signal Gavin to remain quiet. The shuffling had stopped just as quick as it began. He strained his ears to hear anything.  
Gavin motioned for them to move forward, but Michael saw the responding flash in the mirror across from them just a hair too late. They had turned a corner, and Gavin gawked indignantly as he was yanked backwards by some unseen force. Michael whirled around only to spot one of the biggest men he had ever seen grab Gavin around the waist and attempt to haul him away.

Michael didn’t hesitate to launch himself into the man who had Gavin. The backwards momentum of trying to grab the Brit was ample enough that when Michael slammed into him in a low tackle they all fell backwards. The brunt of landing on his back was just enough to loosen his grip on Gavin momentarily. He didn’t hesitate to break free and grab Michael’s hand. 

“Run!” he shouted. The scampered towards the entrance at full speed. Because of this, Michael couldn’t stop in time to avoid the arm shooting out from his peripheral vision. He slammed full force into it and fell backwards for the second time. But this time, he didn’t have a burly man or Gavin to break his fall. He saw stars as the back of his head cracked against the floor below and he gasped for air. He had never been clotheslined before, and the small part of his brain that was still functioning resolved never to experience it again if he could avoid it.

Gavin skid to a halt, just managing to avoid the arm. He crouched down and attempted to drag him up, but it was of no use. The floor tilted precariously in Michael’s vision. Gavin was saying something to him, but his voice sounded distant.

“-cheal! Ge- Gotta go!”

He tried to warn Gavin as a shadow loomed behind him, but he was too late. The man they had dropped earlier had grabbed Gavin once again. The asshole that had clotheslined him appeared in his vision. He looked over and said something to his partner. Whatever he had said sent Gavin into a frenzy. The big burly man shook his head. Asshole number 2 simply shrugged before walking up to him. He couldn’t react in time before a punch to the face sent him into darkness. The last thing he saw was Gavin desperately reaching out to him as they dragged him away.

* * *

_Soft warmth surrounded him, and he felt safe. He could hear the soft breathing of people to his left and right. He cuddled into the shoulder blades of someone in front of him. A quiet laugh, deep and rich caressed his ears. The owner of the voice flipped over. A rough calloused hand cupped his cheek gently, but he didn’t want to open his eyes._

_“Michael. We can’t sleep forever. It’s time to wake up.”_

_“Wake up Michael.”_

_“Wake up…..”_

* * *

Michael’s return to the land of the conscious had not been pleasant. He had woken up in a lot of shitty places before, but this one had to be near the top of the list. Not because of where he woke up, but just how he felt when he did so. His head throbbed, sending lances of pain bouncing around inside of his skull. He could feel the beginnings of a bruise where he’d been knocked unconscious. The uncomfortable scrape of concrete on his back made him want to shift away. He vaguely realized he wasn’t stationary at the moment. That the feeling of being dragged around wasn’t just disorientation. Someone seriously had him by the ankles and were in the process of dragging him away somewhere. Michael blearily looked around and realized they were still in the mirror maze. He felt like he had just dreamt something important, but the harder he thought about it the quicker the memory slipped from his mind. He bit back a groan as nausea send his world spinning. 

His captor had started muttering darkly to himself about the amount of pay he was receiving versus the amount of work he was being required to do. He had his back turned to Michael, and seemed to be occupied with answering his phone. The shrill ringtone made Michael wince. The guy stopped dragging Michael momentarily to answer.

“The fuck Mason? We were hired to capture some British asshole, why am I being sent to do clean up on some Jersey trash?” 

Michael could barely hear the voice on the other line. It hurt to concentrate too hard on what he might be saying. It was much easier to focus on what he could hear. And it wasn’t good.

“I don’t give a fuck how big he is in Los Santos. This is our territory! No- I understand that but-” 

For a brief moment Michael couldn’t recall where he was or what he was doing. Then it call came rushing back to him. 

Gavin, they had taken him somewhere. He could have been murdered while Michael was busy napping. He looked around for anything he could use to escape. The mirror maze had been shut down for repairs and or renovation or some shit like that. The details escaped him. There were spots in the maze where mirrors were missing, obviously taken down for maintenance at the very least. The upside to this was that there wasn’t a shortage of tools laying around. Michael spot a crowbar just slightly out of reach. He slowly rose to a crouch.

“Alright alright, I get it. I’ll take care of this bitch and get a move on. The fuck did you say? North side beach?”

He reached for the bar, keeping an eye on his captor at the same time.

“Alright. See you when I get there. Seriously Mason the bonus better be fucking worth it.”

He clicked his phone shut and turned around. He didn’t have time to react before he took a crowbar to the ribs and a knee to the face by an infuriated Michael.

He couldn’t resist a parting shot as the guy fell over to the floor. He snatched his phone so he couldn't call for backup when he awoke. He wasn’t sure where exactly the words came from, but they felt right to say.

“This Jersey trash just got the drop on you. Fuckin’ poser.”

* * *

If the lights of the boardwalk weren’t a clear indication that he was mildly concussed, his staggering was a clear indication. Night had descended, and the street lights set everything aglow. It was frustrating endeavor to run at full speed when all his body wanted to do was sit the fuck down. His head felt like shit. But the only thing he could think about was Gavin. Who knew how long he’d been out? He had to get to the beachfront as fast as he could. He’d come up with a plan as soon as he could confirm Gavin was okay. He ignored the indignant cries of the general public as he shoved past them. He wasn’t above knee checking people with his crowbar if he could make quicker progress. It wasn’t long before he got to the meeting spot his jackass had repeat over the phone. But no one was there. He panicked as he frantically looked around for any sign of Gavin or anyone else. He was about ready to start running down the beach when the sounds of Gavin shouting stopped him.

It was coming down the way, but a cluster of beach front stores blocked his view. It was a lesser populated area, so it was easy for Michael to pinpoint where the sounds of Gavin’s shouts were coming from. He hugged the wall closest to the commotion.

“Let me go! He’s here! I can prove it! If you’ll just let me-” he heard Gavin cry out. He peaked around the corner. Gavin was surrounded by a few people in dark jackets, not unlike the ones the people who were following them earlier wore. One of the men had Gavin by the wrist. This one was clearly the ringleader. It was hard to see what he looked like with the evening dark mixing with the obnoxious flashing lights on the building they were behind. The only thing Michael could really discern from where he was standing was the man's disheveled dark hair. Gavin was desperately trying to break free from his grasp, but he wasn’t having much luck. Gavin was tall and lanky, but had a strength that could catch people off guard. This was clearly not someone who surprised easily. He was older and around the same height, but his determination was clearly winning out against Gavin’s desperation. Michael clenched his teeth. How the hell were they supposed to get out of this one? How could he get Gavin out of there without killing the both of them in the process?

“That’s enough Gavin! Can’t you see what you are doing to yourself? It’s time to face reality, it’s time to come home! Stop goddamn it!” the guy shouted, almost losing his grip. Gavin had twisted away sharply, almost sending them both to the ground.

The rest of the goons decided to advance then, circling around flailing limbs to get close enough to subdue Gavin. They started grabbing at his shirt, and Gavin wailed.

“You can hate me all you want Gav, but this is for your own good. Please try and understand.” the guy said, desperation and sadness coloring his tone. There was something pleading in it Michael didn’t understand. Gavin ignored him entirely. Michael could barely see him in the mass of people trying to subdue him now, but a sharp cry cut through the sounds of struggle. One of his attackers had put his arm around Gavin’s neck to try and get him to stop. Gavin howled in panic. Michael saw red.

“Michael! Michael! Michael! Help! Please help! Don’t let them take me away! Michael!” Gavin cried out, doubling his efforts to escape. Gavin couldn’t possibly know Michael was there, which made his pleas even more heartbreaking than they already were. The captors hovered, obviously trying and failing at completely getting Gavin to stay still. The dark haired man who had been trying to calm Gavin down tightened his grip on Gavin’s wrist. Gavin yanked his arm away violently, trying to break the hold, still crying out for him.

No one was paying attention. He stepped out from around the corner.

“We’re all worried!” the stranger yelled anxiously. His expression was pained. “He’s not here. Please. He’s not ever going to be here. Gavin please. I’m begging you. Stop!”

“Michael” Gavin cried again. Michael clutched his crowbar angrily at the sight of Gavin trapped, clawing at the arm restricting him with one hand. Still, no one had seen him approach.

Big mistake.

“Gavin stop! You’re gonna hurt yourself!” the guy said, anger and frustration bleeding into his voice.

His hand shot out and grabbed the yelling man's wrist. Anything else the stranger might have said cut off immediately. He winced at the iron grip Michael had on him and looked up, an angry insult half formed on his lips. It died the moment he locked eyes with Michael. In turn he tightened his grip on the stranger’s tattooed arm, forming a snarl of his own.

“It’s you that’s gonna get fucking hurt if you don’t let him go. _Now._ ”


	7. Chapter 7

It was comical really, watching the expressions flit across this person's face. It was almost like watching one of those flip o grams. Up close and personal he could see little details he couldn’t before. The silly mustache that seemed oddly fitting on his face, the small laugh lines around his eyes, how his eyebrows shot up in shock when Michael got up in his face. He was taller than Michael expected him to be. Anger, horror, disbelief, sadness, and something Michael couldn’t really decipher cycled endlessly on his face. Hope maybe? He let go of Gavin’s wrist and gaped at Michael like a fish out of water. He’d been expecting a lot of things, but that sort of reaction definitely wasn’t one of them. The guys surrounding them took a step back and eyed the scene suspiciously. At least they had a little breathing room now. It was quiet save for the sounds of the ocean and the distant music of the rest of civilization.

His face hurt, his head hurt, he was tired, and he was stressed. There was no way they were going to get out of this unscathed. In fact, they were probably gonna get murdered here and now. But...the sheer relief and joy that showed on Gavin’s face...somehow Michael felt like he’d made the right choice. Even if they were outnumbered. And the look on this guys face….maybe they had a chance after all.

“Michael! You came!” he cried joyfully, stopping his struggle. There was something in the way he said it though. A certain fragility to it that Michael picked up on that made him feel emotional. Of course he came! What, did Gavin think he would somehow abandon him?

“What did I say? Someone’s gotta look out for you. Fucking moron. Always dragging me into the middle of things.” he said gruffly, keeping his grip on the strangers wrist. 

“.............Michael?” the stranger breathed, interrupting the moment. He recognized _that_ look at least. It was eerily similar to the stare Gavin often sent his way. The one where the person looking at him wasn’t quite sure if what they were looking at was real. He’d gotten used to that look, but he didn’t like it coming from a guy who seconds earlier had been trying to kidnap the only link he had to his past. He suddenly felt really claustrophobic.

As glad as Gavin was at seeing him, the others didn’t seem too enthused at him being there. The sounds of safeties clicking off and knives flicking open brought the gravity of their situation back to the forefront. He didn’t have time to think over this new development, as a warning from Gavin had Michael dodging a knife aimed right at his side. Someone had decided it was better to eliminate him than to deal with him, and shit went to hell in a handbasket really fast.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” he seethed, skipping clumsily to the side to avoid getting stabbed. In his haste to avoid the knife, he had forgotten his hold on the stranger. That is, until he accidentally threw an elbow into his sternum. The stranger grunted in surprise, taking a step back. Someone had grabbed his upper arm and yanked him sideways, prying him away from both Gavin and the stranger that had him.

“Fuck!” the stranger said, rubbing his sternum. Michael resisted the knee jerk urge to apologize. He had bigger problems to worry about at the moment. His sudden movement sent a wave of nausea through him. He vaguely wondered if puking on someone's shoes would gross them out enough to leave him and Gav alone. His crowbar was suddenly the only thing keeping the world right side up as he leaned on it. The glint of another knife swung at his face, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to dodge this one.

“Geoff!” he heard Gavin yell somewhere to his right. He remembered Gavin saying that name before, but for the life of him he couldn’t remember when. Someone stepped in front of him, and suddenly Michael was staring at the back of the very stranger he’d just been defending Gavin from. One the one hand, what the fuck? On the other, at least he didn’t have to worry about looking like scarface for the rest of his life. Geoff had disarmed whoever had just been coming at him. The knife clattered to the ground at his feet.

“Wait, knock it off! Jesus, he a friendly!” Geoff said, glancing back at him. His expression was frantic, and Michael didn’t understand it one bit. 

The crew attacking them backed up again, and Gavin used the opportunity to bite his captor. He howled and dropped him. He wasted no time scurrying over to where they were standing.

“What the fuck Gav?” he said, leaning into him as Gavin wrapped an arm around him to keep him standing. He hadn’t even realized he was tipping over. That was….concerning.

Gavin looked….incredibly smug. Michael wanted to punch the look right off his face. Didn’t he realize how much danger they were in?

“Don’t worry. Now that he’s seen you, there’s no way he’ll let anything happen.” Gavin said lowly. He nodded towards Geoff.

Michael looked over and took stock of the situation. They were currently standing behind Geoff, who was in the middle of commanding people to stand down. He wasn’t an expert on how this shit worked, but it didn’t really look like the people were doing what they were told. There was a clear divide of space between the three of them and the rest of the….mercenaries? Trackers? Who the fuck were these people anyway? 

Someone’s phone rang, and Geoff used the momentary distraction to turn to the both of them. His eyes were glued to Michael, and his eyes tightened when Michael glared at him back. They just kind of stared at each other while Gavin looked between the two of them, a grin plastered on his face. 

“Gavin. There is someone standing in front of me who looks eerily like Michael.” he said, sounding a bit surly.

“Not looks like.” Gavin replied, nudging him gently. The touch was entirely unwelcome at the moment. He felt like a coil wound too tight. He’d just remembered what Gavin had said what felt like years ago now.

 _“Not a cheater. You had five of us. Have five of us. All together.”_

_”I could, but Geoff went radio silent two days ago after I dodged a phone call of his. I turned off the GPS no the phone when I realized he’d been looking to see where I was at. It pissed him off and he hasn’t responded to any messages since.”_

Well who Geoff was made sense now at least. Suddenly being confronted with that fact made Michael a little dizzy. Or it could be the concussion. Jury was out on that one.

“......Is this...I don’t even…” Geoff reached a hand out, but Michael wasn’t having any of it. He ducked away from the touch. That was just a bit too much at the moment.

“Let's keep the pleasantries to just fucking handshakes for now why don't we?” he said a little more harshly than intended. Geoff retracted his hand. Hurt and confusion flit across his face. For the first time since he turned to talk to them, he broke eye contact to look at Gavin. Gavin shot him a sympathetic look in return.

“Sorry, he’s not partial to touch. It’s a long story.”

Geoff looked like he was about to say something else, but he was interrupted.

“This wasn’t the deal Ramsey. Our guy just called, we only got half of what we were promised transferred over. You said you’d transfer the rest when we got your guy.” one of crew called out. Geoff stiffened at the name and turned to face them. Michael narrowed his eyes. He tried to peek around Geoff, but Gavin stopped him by squeezing his shoulder.

“That’s right. We know exactly who you are. Some guy suddenly calls our boss up, throwing all kinds of money around for one little brat and you think we wouldn’t ask any questions? What kind of idiots do you take us for? Just got the conformation.” the guy continued, waving his phone.

“More of an idiot than I thought if you know who I am and you're still threatening me.” Geoff growled, “What kind of idiot do you take _me_ for? You’ll get the rest of your money when we’ve cleared town. _That_ was the deal. You followed through on your end, I’ll follow through on mine. No need for this to end in unnecessary bloodshed.”

“No can do. That might have been the plan before, when you were just a nobody, but we got new orders now. Your bounty is worth way too much to pass up. You’re coming with us.”

They all began to advance. Geoff stiffened but held his ground. He held an arm out in front of them, like that was somehow gonna shield him and Gav from getting their shit kicked in. It was admirable, if not the stupidest thing Michael had ever seen. Gavin squeezed his shoulder again, keeping his eyes on the advancing crew. Michael winced. He was gripping so tight it was almost painful.

It felt a little like Michael was watching this happen from outside his own body. How had this turned into his life so fast? It felt like any second a record would scratch and he’d start monologuing his own fucking life at this point. He’d gone from a stupid fucking repair man to a rich fucking ex gang member about to get killed in the span of a week…

Wait.

A rich ex gang member.

_Didn’t we talk about this? You have money Michael. Quite a lot of it actually.”_

Money. That’s the language these people spoke. It was the only language they understood. He took a deep breath. He could do this. He used to do this shit all the time right? He closed his eyes. The warmth of Gavin’s arm around him, the scent of his shampoo, the sound of scuffling on the pavement, the ache of the bruise on his face, the steadfast presence of the man in front of him, the smooth cool metal of the crowbar still in his hand.….

_Michael. We can’t sleep forever. It’s time to wake up…”_

He opened his eyes. 

“Alright motherfuckers, let’s play a game shall we?” he yelled, making Gavin and Geoff jump. He grinned wildly and stepped away from them, much to Gavin’s dismay. He’d tried to get Michael to stay put, but Michael waved him off.

“You want this dumbshits bounty? What’s he worth? 10k? 20k? 50? Dare I get into the millions here?” he smiled, stepping around Geoff’s arm.

“What are you doing you fucking idiot? Get back here!” Geoff whispered furiously.

“Shut the fuck up Geoff. Look at the situation you’ve gotten yourself into. You’re in no position to make demands here.” he tossed back carelessly.

He twirled the crowbar aimlessly as he wandered into the no mans land between them and the crew. He looked into the eyes of each one of them, gauging their expressions. Most of them seemed pissed off and wary of his sudden change in demeanor. They didn’t seem interested in hearing what he had to say. He knew he had a small window to make his case that was rapidly closing. 

“Which one of you fuckers is Mason? I bet it's you isn’t it? The one with the shitty dye job.” he sneered, pointing his crowbar at a guy standing near the front. A low murmur rolled through the crew. They all looked at not the guy Michael had pointed out, but a guy standing a feet feet away. They stepped away from him slightly. setting him apart from everyone else. He looked around anxiously before glaring at Michael. They hadn’t been expecting Michael to know one of their names that's for sure. He grinned wolfishly at him. 

Bingo.

“Let’s talk about this game. It’s a game I like to call ‘Find the Weasel’. Let's say little Geoffrey here is worth what they say he is. Ya’ll ain’t gonna see a dime of that. You know why? Because little Mason here was planning on backstabbing you dumb fucks to take the money for himself and some of the little minions he’s got under his shitty little thumb.” Michael said loudly over the murmurs.

“That’s a fucking lie! You’re just making shit up because you know you’re on the ropes. Don’t listen to this little idiot.” Mason snarled, taking a step towards him.

“Oh really? Because if I were just a shitty little peon looking to make a name for myself, it’d definitely be something I’d do. Especially if I got the inside scoop on orders from upstairs before they were given.” he replied back, shrugging innocently.

“Shut the fuck up. You’re done talking.” Mason seethed, stepping forward and taking a swing. Michael sidestepped him and pulled out a phone from his pocket. Masons eyes widened a brief moment. 

“Ah ah ah. What’s this? A phone I picked up from one of your little lackeys? You guys recognize the brand right?” he waved the phone in front of the rest of the crew so they could see. An angry and suspicious buzzing echoed through the crowd as they took in the phone he’d picked up from his attacker earlier.

“I wonder what it says on the inside.” he flipped the phone open and pushed a few buttons. “Lets see what the text messages say why don't we?”

“Don’t fucking listen to him! Can’t you guys see what he’s doing?” Mason panicked, trying to grab the phone. Michael kept him at bay by poking him in the chest with the crowbar.

“When are you gonna get here? Our guys are in place to take everyone out. Is that Jersey kid taken care of yet?” Michael said, looking down at the screen. “Ohh how about this one? Can’t wait to ditch these fuckers and take every penny for ourselves. These dumb shits won’t see what’s hit them.”

With an inhuman screech of rage Mason grabbed him by the front of the shirt and started shaking him.

Gavin and Geoff each made noises of displeasure and began to make their way towards the two of them. Michael held up a hand to them.

“Quiet. The adults are talking here.” he said lazily, waving them off again. Geoff looked like he was about to blow a gasket.

“You dumb piece of shit, you think they’re gonna fall for your shitty little games? You’re fucking dead!” Mason yelled, pulling out his gun. Michael looked him in the eye and smiled.

“You scared kid? I would be too.” his eyes slid over nonchalantly as he looked over his shoulder. Mason followed his gaze and blanched. The crew had advanced to the point where they could reach out and grab the both of them. One of them grabbed Mason by the shoulder. Michael capitalized on the moment. They just need one more push...

“We all know Mason here is a disloyal fuck, but the real question here is who among you is on his payroll? Bet this phone has all that info….” Michael said, trailing off. Before anyone could react, he lurched away from Masons hold and threw the phone with all of his might. It flew across the lot and before landing and skittering across the pavement.

The reaction was even better than he anticipated. Like a bunch of wild animals, they all turned on each other and stampeded towards the phone. Mason immediately got jumped by a couple of guys, but that's as far a Michael observed. He dropped the crow bar, turned tail, and booked it as fast as he could.

“Run you idiots!” he yelled, grabbing both Geoff and Gavin’s hands and running as fast as he could towards a more populated area. They stumbled after him and flinched as the sound of gunfire cracked through the air. Michael couldn’t tell if it was aimed at them or not, but he gripped their hands with all of his might to make sure they kept pace.

His mind felt like it was running at 2000 miles an hour. Were they being followed? Were they safe? Where could they go? The docks? The police? Was anyone hurt? Why was the world tipping again? He flipped on autopilot and ran until his lungs felt like they were on fire. He wasn’t even sure where they were going at this point, but he knew anywhere was better. Whether it was the running or the anxiety that was causing it, he could practically feel his heart trying to rip its way out of his chest.

He turned at seemingly random intervals, glancing back every once in awhile to make sure no one was following behind them. Gavin and Geoff were shouting at each other, but stopped in favor of trying to keep pace. The distant sound of police sirens only served to spur Michael to go faster. The quicker they got away from that shit show the better.It wasn’t until he felt his arm tug back that he even considered stopping. 

* * *

“I think we’re safe. Michael! Michael stop...I’m gonna die…!” Gavin wheezed. Cold dread ran through his veins and panic overwhelmed him. He skid to a halt, almost sending them all flying to the ground in the process. He didn’t give them time to recover before he had turned on Gavin. He grabbed him by the arms and immediately began checking him over.

“What’s wrong Gavin? Are you hit? Are you injured? Where does it hurt? Do you need a hospital? Was the a bullet? A knife? Are you bleeding?” he said frantically, looking for any sign of injury. Distantly he felt his own pain, but it felt like an odd echo. Background noise to the situation at hand.

“No! No I’m fine Michael. We’ve been running for ages. If I’ve got to run anymore I’m going to keel over. Have mercy boi, my lungs can’t go on.” Gavin wheezed, doubling over. “Besides, we're back at the house now. We’re home”

He blinked and looked around, only to realize Gavin was right. They were back at the boathouse. There was no one around save for them. Geoff had his hands on his knees nearby, looking at the scene and trying to catch his breath alongside Gavin. The dark silhouette of the house contrasted with the light that the moon provided on the beach. It was the picture of calm. It contrasted wildly with the furious beating of his heart. The amount of relief he felt was staggering. Suddenly, everything crashed into him. They were safe. They’d made it out alive. His legs crumbled beneath him and he fell on his ass onto the sand below. He bent his knees and rested his arms on them so they hung outward from his body.

“Holy...holy fucking shit.” he laughed hysterically. He saw white as his headache came back and hit him like a truck. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. Making it out unscathed had always been priority number one, but now that it was all over, his body seemed to have other ideas about what was going on. He felt like he was shaking to pieces, and an icy grip was squeezing his heart. It was distressing when he looked up and realized his hands were shaking. Energy bled out of him faster than he hold on to, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to move from this spot. Whatever part of him he’d just drawn strength from, it was completely tapped out now. He felt like an empty husk.

“I can’t believe you did that boi! It was like looking at….! It was almost as if….! Oh my god Michael! Where’d that even come from?” Gavin cut into his freak out, bounding towards him.

“How’d you know they even had a rat in their midst?” Geoff added in, standing up straight.  
Words tumbled out of his mouth faster than he could process them. All of his emotions broke open like a dam. 

“I….I don't know. I don't know where that fucking came from. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me talking. It was total bullshit. I made the whole fucking thing up. I bullshit the whole goddamn thing. Oh my fucking god we almost died. We almost died. There wasn’t a single fucking text on that phone and we almost died.” he said, distraught at the thought. He wasn’t sure who that person was the bullshit his way out of that situation, but it certainly wasn’t something he’d do. Not in a million years. Not something so goddamn crazy. He couldn’t believe it himself.

“........There was nothing on the phone? At all?” Geoff said, disbelief and awe coloring his tone.

“No. Not a goddamn thing. I was staring at a blank screen the whole time. I only overheard him talking about taking out some guy from Los Santos and a bonus. I guessed but didn't have proof. If he would have remained calm we would have been fucked. He did all the work for me by panicking.” Michael replied, clutching his head.

“Brilliant Michael. My bloody brilliant Michael.” Gavin practically cooed. Did no one really notice the world spinning? How did they not notice? He felt like he was going to fall right off the side of the planet. Gavin turned on towards Geoff, seemingly remembering he was there.

“Geoff you fucking arse hole! What were you thinking hiring those jerks? How could you not look into them before doing business with them? You’re better than that!” Gavin started in. Geoff didn’t seem to take the accusatory tone well.

“ _Ex_ cuse me for being worried about you! Your drop off the map, something that we all agreed NEVER to do after…!” Geoff faltered, and Gavin’s expression softened. “And you just expect me to shrug and go oh well?! I didn’t have time to vet anyone has throughly you fucking shit head! You could have been dead! Dying! I don’t fucking know! You had us all worried out of our goddamn minds!” 

“There were circumstances Geoff. I couldn’t….I couldn’t just tell you what was going on. It wasn’t my call to make to say anything. It was my choice to drop the GPS though.” Gavin held his hands out, palm upwards in a helpless gesture. 

“Goddamnit Gavin. You’re always doing this. Keeping us out! Shouldering everything on your own. Do you know how painful that is? For me? For all of us?” Geoff said, stepping forward. 

Gavin didn’t hesitate to respond. The fight bled out of him as quickly as it came. He stepped forward and hugged Geoff. Geoff let him.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” he said, burying his head into Geoff's shoulder. Geoff wrapped his arms around Gavin tightly. 

“Just don’t do that again okay?” Geoff muttered into Gavin’s neck.

“Like I said...it wasn’t my call to make. I found him. I finally found him.” Gavin glanced toward him, and suddenly Michael felt horrendously out of place. For the life of him he couldn’t seem to get control over himself. Geoff looked over at him too. It was funny, earlier he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of Michael, but now he almost seemed afraid to meet his gaze. His heart clenched again and the sudden urge to cry almost overwhelmed him. He curled into himself tighter, feeling miserable.

“....Michael?” someone said worriedly.

He ignored them, trying to gain a semblance of what was up and down. He’d stopped paying attention.

He wasn’t sure what was happening, but he vaguely heard Gavin talking to Geoff in hushed hurried tones. Someone approached him. He flinched away when someone had lightly touched the bruise where he’d gotten sucker punched, but even that took tremendous effort. He didn’t even acknowledge Gavin taking the keys from his pocket and disappearing into the boathouse quickly. He couldn’t concentrate on something for more than a second before searing pain behind his eyes made itself known. He was trying to work out exactly what was happening to him, but his mid was either working too fast or two slow at this point. It keep looping and getting stuck like a broken record. He was sure his concussion had something to do with it, but this felt like something more.

Just when he felt like he was about to vibrate out of his own body, warm gentle hands grasped his own. They felt like fire against his cold fingers, but it was a welcome warmth. They pressed his palms together, and he instinctively linked his fingers together. The warmth encompassed his grip, and he looked up to see that stupid mustache, those stupid laugh lines, and those stupid eyebrows. Geoff was kneeling in front of him, rubbing gentle circles into his hands.

Michael said nothing as Geoff worked warmth back into his fingers. Neither of them seemed to want to be the first to break the silence. It wasn't awkward, but the air was heavy with the unsaid. He was certain that when the silence was broken, the conversation would be complicated and emotional, so the silence was preferable at the moment. Anything he could do to prolong the inevitable was fine by him. He rested his head on his arm and just stared numbly, focusing on the tattoos on Geoff's hands. They were beautiful, and Michael found himself mesmerized. He felt himself settle a little, and despite all of the pain he felt, he couldn’t even find any energy to protest the touch even.The silence stretched between them, and Michael suddenly felt very, very tired. Geoff had started muttering soft assurances to him.

“Hey...hey...it’s all good dude. You did great. You’re just coming down from an adrenaline high. Completely natural. Don’t worry about it. He’s safe. You’re safe. No worries...should have known this might happen. My bad.”

Michael took a deep breath. He could do this. One step at a time. Little by little, he felt his muscles loosen. He concentrated on his hands, and it made him feel better. The pain was there, but instead of it being all consuming, he could get it under control if he closed his eyes and relaxed a little. He still felt cold, but it was slowly getting better. He felt a little weird, being comforted by someone for all intents and purposes he just met, but he couldn’t argue with the results. Geoff seemed to know what he was doing at least. the movements were sure and familiar, like he'd done this dozens of times before.

He wasn’t sure how much time had past. He hadn’t even realized he had begun to fall asleep until he felt the tears hit his hand. He blinked and lifted his head a little. Tears were pooling in Geoff eyes and falling silently as he concentrated on their hands. Michael frowned. So much for prolonging the inevitable.

“Jesus...first Gavin and now you with the waterworks. I hope this doesn’t become a trend with you people. I can’t handle it when you fuckers cry.” he said sleepily, breaking the tension.

Geoff laughed and paused to wipe his face. He seemed glad for the conversation.

“I’ve been sitting here running through all of the possibilities of what I’m seeing right now. You’re real, the elbow the my poor chest proved that. Holding your hands now proves that. So I’m running out of all the possibilities that explain this logically in my mind. Just when I’ve managed to convince myself you’re a look alike Gavin hired, you go and say shit like that.”

Michael sighed.

“If that were the case, he owes me a lot of goddamn money for this shit.” he groaned, resting his head back on his arm.

“God dammit Michael. You were dead, you were dead and I...I just dont…I don’t know what’s real and what not anymore. This morning you were dead and I was trying to prepare myself to deal with Gavin hating me forever for dragging him back, and then you show up out of nowhere….and now we are here, sitting on a beach after I almost just lost you a second time. I can't keep up...” Geoff trailed off, staring at their hands.

“Pft. You're preaching to the choir, " he paused and added hesitantly, "he must have been really important to you.” 

He felt Geoff’s grip tighten.

“So you really aren't..?” Geoff said quietly, the terror evident in his voice. Oops. He squeezed his hand back reassuringly.

“Sorry, that was a fucked up thing to say. Shits getting confused in my head before it leaves my mouth. What I really meant to say was I guess I wouldn’t really know….about being dead or not dead or whatever. Can’t remember shit from before a year ago. But if I was him, I can see how important I was...he was..or whatever. I don’t fucking know.”

Pain spasmed across Geoff’s face and Michael winced. He looked devastated. That probably wasn’t the right thing to say. He wanted to explain to Geoff that he didn’t blame him or anything. That none of this was anybody's fault, but all he really wanted to do is crawl into bed and sleep for the next 20 years.

“A year…?” Geoff said, his voice small. Was that a tremor he heard in his voice? Fuck. What was it that always made Gavin feel better when he got all mopey like this? He couldn’t remember.

Michael didn’t know what to say to that. About any of it really. His brain was being entirely unhelpful about providing the words to have this conversation right now. So he said the first thing that came to his mind.

“I’m pretty sure my brain is leaking out of the back of my skull.” he muttered, closing his eyes again.

Geoff abruptly stopped rubbing his hands, and Michael whined in protest. He tried to swat away the fingers gently poking at the back of his head.

“Jesus, why didn’t you say anything dude?” Geoff said, his voice pitching up a few octaves in concern. Michael winced at the sudden loudness of it, and Geoff looked at him apologetically.

He wiped his face again and tried to help him up. For a second Michael wasn’t sure if his legs were going to cooperate, but he managed to stay standing with Geoff’s help.

“C’mon. Let’s get you inside.” he said softly. 

The words were music to Michael’s ears.


	8. Chapter 8

He'd done everything he could think of to take his mind off of the fact that their fragile life, the one that he and Geoff were painstakingly trying to piece back together, seemed to be on the verge of shattering yet again. But sooner than he had liked, he'd eventually run out of things to do. For the first time as long as Jack could remember, he found himself alone in a penthouse meant for six.

Ray had left for Liberty City after everything had fallen apart around them. He was doing freelance work at the moment, and only occasionally called to shoot the shit with he or Geoff. Jack suspected this only happened on particularly hard nights, when the dark was just a bit too lonely and the memories just a little too bitter. Ryan had been bouncing around Europe the past year, doing what nobody dared ask. He only got in contact when he needed intel or resources. Jack had tried a couple of times, to ask about more. To try and reach out, and make sure he was okay. But Ryan had always had ironclad defenses. It was clear they were all being kept at arm’s length now. He had no idea if Ray still kept in touch with him. If they ever talked about what happened. If Ryan had ever opened up about what the last thing Michael had ever said to him was. Of why he refused to talk about his last moments with Michael at all.

There was a lot that they didn’t talk about nowadays.

He and Geoff had stayed behind in Los Santos, clinging to the dream they all shared of being on top. No matter how painful it was, Geoff had the heart and will to keep a home for all of them, should they ever return. His dreams had always been bigger than all of them, and Michael had always believed in the future Geoff envisioned for him and his crew, even if it didn’t always seem clear. It was hard to give up on what they had in the face of that. Gavin was a mystery to all of them. After they all left, his locations made the least amount of sense. 

He’d done inventory on their amory, twice, he cleaned his weapon, he’d checked on warehouses, he’d even stooped so low as to see Matt about taking a tagging shift. The fact that spray painting their symbol across shitty back alleys in the middle of the night was more appealing than standing around waiting for a phone call was telling in of itself. But he couldn’t help it. Gavin had dropped off the grid. His GPS dot had simply vanished off of the map. Either something had gone horribly horribly wrong, or Gavin was making a statement. About what, Jack couldn't even fathom. Geoff had caught the first plane out to Jersey as he fielded panicked calls from Ray and Ryan.

It wasn’t a rare occurrence that Gavin was radio silent. None of them (besides he and Geoff) spoke to each other on a regular basis after all. Least of all Gavin. Not after everything that had happened. No one really wanted to talk to Gav, knowing that he still refused to let go of the very thing that fractured them in the first place. But the love between them was still there. The unspoken affection, no matter how strained, had always been present. And even if he had barely had contact with Gavin the past year, Geoff none at all, never once had he doubted that Gavin felt the same affection.

He would be a complete fool to think for a second that Gavin wasn’t watching out for them in his own way. Lindsay was excellent at her job, but Gavin had his own special brand of crazy. It wasn’t hard to recognize the times she came to them with a plan, that had Gavin’s trademark idiocy and brilliance written all over it. He noticed, he was certain Geoff noticed, but refused to acknowledge it, and Lindsay clearly knew the they had caught on. What her intentions were for doing this when she was more than capable with coming up with her own intel, he had no clue. 

But this...this changed things. They had all promised. The GPS each of them held would only be turned off in the most dire circumstances. Life and death situations. Gavin was either dead, dying, or leaving without a trace and Jack was worried out of his goddamned mind. 

They knew something was up, when Gavin had entered Jersey. Of course, the anniversary of Michael’s death (the very thought that a year had already gone by and he still lived in a world without Michael Jones in it stabbed at him painfully) had pushed them all to cope in different ways. Gavin being in Jersey came as no surprise. That’s where they had met after all. Even the mysterious text, so painfully reminiscent of Michael it punched a hole in his chest, wasn’t entirely unexpected. Even if he and Geoff were beyond shit faced and unable to even walk a straight line to answer the phone. The guilt of Gavin being alone that day still ate away at them. They’d talked to Ray earlier in the day, and even Ryan had checked in. But Gavin...Gavin was difficult. Gavin was a source of pain they were all too cowardly to face. 

And so, for the first time in a year, Geoff went out of his way to reach out. What he got back was almost terrifying. Gavin was being vague. Dodgy. Sometimes he wouldn’t respond until hours later. Eventually he stopped replying at all.

He knew, they all did, that Gavin and Michael had the longest history together. That they had clawed their way tooth and nail from the ground up, long before they ever met Jack and Geoff, long before they coaxed Ray to join their ranks, long before Gavin charmed Ryan into being their back up and eventually a regular member. It was hard to remember a time where Michael and Gavin were not synonymous with each other. So of course, when they lost Michael (Again, he could barely even think it without wanting to curl up in a hole somewhere) it made sense that in a way, they had lost Gavin too.

He refused to believe that Gavin could be gone. That their Golden Boy could have died alone and in despair. The cold feeling of dread and despair seeped into Jack’s lungs. Suffocating, dragging him down, down, down.

Geoff hadn’t checked in for hours. What if Gavin really was gone? What if Geoff wasn’t calling because he didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news? Were they really down to four now? Had he really broken that promise he’d made what seems like eons ago, in an old dusty basement in the middle of nowhere?

He sat down, resting his head in his hands.

* * *

_  
“You’re asking me? Shouldn’t you be asking Michael?” Gavin said from the lawn chair he was lounging in. He didn’t seem to mind at all that Michael and Geoff had just gotten in another huge fight. In fact, he never seemed more relaxed. Jack could of swore as they were fighting, Gavin even looked a little pleased at the development._

_“Yeah, because asking Michael why he’s gotta fly off the handle everytime something even remotely dangerous happens is gonna go over soooo well.” Jack said, rolling his eyes._

_Gavin lifted his sunglasses and smiled slyly at Jack. If Jack was a lesser man, he might be pissed off at the indifference in Gavin’s attitude. But he knew better. If he wanted information he would just have to take a different approach._

_“You’ve known him the longest, and you assholes nominated me to go deal with him. The least you can do is provide me a little insight as to what you think the problem is.” he tried pleading. Apparently, this was the wrong approach. Gavin simply lowered his sunglasses and turned back to the magazine he was reading._

_“I haven’t the foggiest clue. He’s in the basement if you wanna go find out though. I’m sure you’ll do a great job Mr. Ambassador.”_

_“Don’t you want this crew to work? Don’t you care at all about what happens if this continues? Why is it always me that has to clean up these messes? I don’t know what happened to Michael to make him this way recently, but if it doesn’t change-” he was cut off by Gavin, who flipped a page and answered in a considerably cooler tone than before._

_“I’m disappointed in you Jack. I didn’t think you were this daft. Michael’s the same as he’s always been, and if you think changing him is going to work even a little bit, you’re mental. Think about that before you confront him about all of his flaws why don’t you? For god’s sake.”_

_He stared at Gavin, who seemed to be done with the conversation at hand. He continued reading his magazine as if Jack hadn’t even spoken with him at all. Gavin was usually pretty carefree with his antics, but this time, Jack found himself on the receiving end of what he liked to call Gavin’s barbed wire tongue. Sensing he would get nowhere by pushing the issue, and not looking to go toe to toe with trying to pry info from him, he sighed and made his way to where Michael usually liked to vent his anger._

_He stepped down the stairs carefully, spotting Michael pacing the basement like a caged animal. He was muttering darkly to himself, obviously trying and failing to get his anger under control. He hadn’t resorted to putting holes in the wall, but the clenching and unclenching of his fist told Jack it was a near thing._

_He sat at the bottom of the stairs idly, watching Michael pacing. Of the two of them unlike trying to talk to Gavin, Michael always broke first. They’d known each other for a little while at this point. Even when they first met, Michael never made it a point to hide his feelings. It was one of the factor that made working with him so easy in the first place. Of course, just because you knew what he was feeling didn’t mean you always understood where he was coming from. Recently, there was a rift between him and the rest of them that no one could really explain. Except for maybe Gavin. But he was being infuriatingly quiet on the matter if their earlier conversation was any indication. There was a change in Michael that made him more headstrong, more stubborn to deal with than before. It wasn’t as damaging now, but today had proven that they’d have to get to the bottom of whatever problem Michael was having before it started having a bigger impact on the crew._

_They were newer to the scene, and couldn't afford to make many huge mistakes like some of the bigger crews in the area could. But still, this was Michael they were talking about, and some things never changed, about that Gavin was right. It was hard not to smile when inevitably, not even a minute later, Michael lost his patience with the waiting game and turned on Jack, just like he predicted._

_“What the fuck do you want Jack? Come down here to ream me too? Geoff already beat you to it. Might as well get your digs in too while you’re fucking here.” he snarled. He didn’t advance on Jack, opting to keep his distance from the stairs entirely to keep pacing. Jack settled in for the usual song and dance that came with patching up disputes between them now._

_“Nah. I think you made the right call killing that weasel. Turning a knife on Ray was a bad call on his part. He was gonna sell us out eventually anyway. Geoff and I already agreed it was the best choice for all of us if Carter died sooner rather than later.” He raised his hands in surrender, taking a more passive approach to defusing the situation than usual._

_Michael didn’t seemed to expect that at all. He stopped short and started and Jack incredulously._

_“So what the fuck did I get the third degree for?” he said, face twisting into scowl._

_“You got the third degree because you put yourself at risk by jumping at the knife. And you robbed us the opportunity to get information from the guy before you stuck his own knife in his throat. You could have gotten hurt, and we gained nothing from killing him besides not having to deal with him anymore. Idiot move man. Carter was a fucking pussy. He didn’t have the balls to stick Ray. Not really. But I think you knew that already, didn’t you?” he said calmly._

_He remembered what Gavin had told him, about reminding Michael of his many flaws.. Michael was a lot of things. Angry, brash, ruthless when needed, stubborn...but he was also protective...and he was fair. He knew when he was in the wrong, and most of the time, he was willing to admit it. He was always more mad at himself for whatever he had done than at anyone else. No one else knew Michael’s flaws better than he knew them himself. No one beat themselves up more for their own shortcomings when it came down to it. Jack knew this feeling better than anyone. He could definitely relate to struggling with that. Maybe that was probably why they always sent his ass to deal with Michael when he was in a mood, why Gavin had called him Mr. Ambassador. The more Jack thought about it, the clearer the picture became._

_This time, Michael, instead of being logical and fair like Jack expected him to be, was indignant. But Jack could see him already begin to lose the wind in his sails. His bouts of anger left as quickly as they came after all, as long as someone wasn’t shoveling fuel onto the fire._

_“I won’t apologize for protecting Ray. I won’t apologize for protecting the crew.” he replied. But it lacked the heat it needed, and it came out more sullen than menacing. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away._

_“You could at least apologize for losing your temper and calling Geoff a washed out geezer with a stupid fucking mustache. He’s sulking. You really don’t pull your punches do you? You know he’s secretly sensitive about that. It’s not like you to hit him where it hurts so viciously. You may be an asshole, but you aren’t cruel.”_

_Michael winced and finally deflated after a moment. His shoulders slumped in defeat and he sat next to Jack on the stairs. Jack scoot over to give him more room. Michael rubbed a hand down his face and through his hair before sighing. He opted not to look at Jack, and instead stared at the wall next to him. He seemed to sense what Jack wasn’t asking. The hidden question that they all wanted to know the answer to. He finally seemed ready to give an answer, just as tired of the conflict as everyone else._

_“Yeah…yeah you're right. Sorry. Shit just comes out when I’m pissed. Trying to get a grip on it. I don’t know why I let shit like this get to me. I just move on my own when things go down. Never had anyone but Gavin watching my back. Not used to there being a plan, not used to...trusting people. I'm not used to...sharing. Feelings and shit. You know. You guys matter to me. I'm not used to having more people to worry about. It's fucking stressful.” he muttered._

_Jack couldn’t see his face, but the tips of Michael’s ears tinged pink. With sudden clarity he hadn’t had before, he realised the gravity of what Michael was telling him._

_He was considered someone Michael trusted. They all were. And that was somehow more precious than anything they could have ever stolen. Gavin was no longer the only person in Michael’s circle he’d put his life on the line for. He’d do it for anyone of them now. So used to a kill or be killed environment, so used to always being the only one in the thick of things when things went bad, it hadn’t even occurred to Michael to look to anyone else for help. He simply saw someone under his protection threatened and acted accordingly._

_He extended his skills and services to them without a second thought, not thinking that they felt the same way about him. Jack was oddly touched that he was the first person Michael had admit this to, and it took a moment for him to respond. Suddenly all of Michael’s behaviors made a little more sense, and the reason why Gavin had been a little shit about helping out became clear. This was something not only he needed to hear from Michael directly, but also something Michael needed to admit to himself. He couldn’t help the swell of affection he felt towards Gavin for having the insight to let this happen. To let him have this moment with Michael on his own. There was always more to these two then they were willing to let on. For so long, it had always been the two of them. Even in the beginning when they had first joined forces, Jack had found it hard to approach them about anything without getting nothing but distrust in return. Gavin was insanely protective and jealous. Anytime anyone got near Michael, Gavin would insert himself into the conversation. Likewise, anytime anyone got too chummy with Gavin, Michael was there to place himself between Gavin and the rest of the world. Then Ray had come along, and fit so well into their dynamic. It was hard for him to not be a little jealous of it._

_Now though….Gavin was allowing Jack this time with Michael willingly. And Michael was opening up. And Gavin, so used to only caring about the people he already knew, had gone out of his way to find others...starting with Ray...and now this mysterious Vagabond. Someone he’d been trying to get in contact with for ages._

_Something occurred to him, something he hadn’t thought of in ages. Doing it now was so practiced, so thoughtless...maybe, maybe sharing it with Michael might help him ease into this new realization a little easier. A technique that would help him face whatever he was dealing with, even if he couldn’t always easily verbalize what was going through his head._

_“Well.... Whenever I get worked up or frustrated, I always tell myself to take things one step at a time you know? Just take a deep breath or whatever. Find small things to focus on. It’s not so bad when you break your problems up into more manageable steps. Practice that and promise me you’ll stop calling Geoff a cranky old bastard when shit goes south, so he can stop running to me about it. Because when Geoff sulks he’s miserable to fucking deal with. In return, always know Geoff and I? We've got your back now. You and Gav both. Ray too. You don't have to do it alone anymore. We'll protect each other. Deal?” he managed, clearing his throat, suddenly thankful Michael wasn’t looking at him now._

_They didn’t say anything for a full minute while Michael thought over what he said and Jack struggled to regain his composure. When Michael did finally respond, there was a small smile in his voice. He looked back at Jack, and he was grinning. All trace of anger that was there before was gone, replaced with a mischievous look that had Jack’s heart thumping painfully in his chest. He held his hand out for Michael to take, and Michael slapped it._

_“........One step at a time huh? Doesn’t seem that hard. I think even a dumbass like me can handle that. You’ve got yourself a deal.”_

_Jack grinned at him in return, finally feeling like the crew they were always meant to be. Everything was finally starting to come together, and he was glad to have a little more insight on the inner workings of his companion now._

_“Good. Because Gavin finally heard back from the Vagabond today. I don’t know how, but he’s convinced him to meet with us about a potential job. Can’t have you two murdering each other before negotiations even get off the ground. Let’s get a move on shall we?”_

* * *

"Fuck....." he muttered to himself as the memories he'd been suppressing for so long came flooding back. Tears escaped through his fingers and hit the tile at his feet. He couldn't even begin to wipe them away as old memories mixed with new, each hurting him in their own special brand of torture. He'd never been brave enough to do this in front of Geoff, always feeling the need to be the support they needed. But now that he was alone? He was helpless against the onslaught of worst case scenarios and broken feelings.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there breaking down before the shrill ringtone of his phone yanked him from his thoughts. His head snapped up and he snatched the device up before seeing Geoff’s number flash on the screen. Anxiety curled in his chest and he took a moment to pull himself together before answering.

“Hello? Geoff? What the fuck is going on? You were supposed to check in hours ago. Did you find him? Is he alright?” Jack said, not even waiting for Geoff to respond. He hoped Geoff couldn't tell he'd been crying through the background noise from where ever he was. He sniffled and tried to play it off.

There was silence on the other end.

“Jack…” Geoff’s voice finally came through, and it cracked. He gripped the phone tightly, steeling himself for the news he thought for sure he was about to receive. Gavin was dead, and it would be their fault. _his_ fault.

“What…? Just tell me what the fuck is going on. Seriously Geoff, you’re scaring me..” he said thickly, clearing his throat.

There was more silence on the other line, and Jack wanted to shake Geoff in frustration through it.

“I found him. I found Gavin. He’s fine.”

….Oh.

His knees buckled, and he’d never been so relieved and angry at the same time. If Gavin was alive, why the fuck had he turned off the GPS? What the hell was going on? Had he resisted coming back to them, as he and Geoff had feared? Did he resent them now? Is that why Geoff sounded so distressed?

“Is everything alright? Why didn’t you call sooner? I was worried. We were worried. I think this is the most I’ve texted Ray in ages. And don’t get me started on Ryan. He’s on his way back to the states as we speak. He didn’t even tell me he was doing that. Just booked a damn flight this morning. Is Gavin resisting coming back? Has he not given up? What-”

“Yes, he resisted. No he hadn’t given up. Jack…..Michael’s alive.”

“.......”

There was a long pause, where neither of them said anything. He sighed, long and hard. He should have known. He should have known better than to send Geoff. Jack didn’t want to admit it, but even knowing this, he was almost glad it wasn’t him there, confronting a broken Gavin pleading to him. That’s why Geoff would always be their leader at the end of the day. He would always do what was best for the crew, no matter what it took, even if it was at great personal cost. Or at least he tried. 

He braced himself for the familiar hurt to hit him like a frieght train. Without fail, the old wounds reopened in his heart. Suddenly, he was very, very tired. Tired of remembering broken promises made to dead men and failing relationships with the ones still around. Tired of the guilt. For the life of him, he couldn’t even bring himself to be surprised by this development. 

“....Look. I get it. It’s hard not to get roped in when he so wholeheartedly believes his own delusions...”

“Jack, just let me-” Geoff began, but Jack had heard enough of this to last him a lifetime. He was officially done.

“We talked about this. You promised me. I can’t do this anymore. _We_ can’t keep doing this. He needs help. He needs to fucking see someone about this. This has gone on long enough. You have to bring him back, and he has to let this go. Do you understand?”

“Jack, just shut the fuck up and listen” Geoff said wildly, his tone desperate and stressed in a way Jack had never heard before. It was enough to shock him into silence. Just long enough for Geoff to get a word in edgewise.

“ He’s fucking alive. I know it, because I’m at his fucking house. I know it, because I actually spoke to him. He’s fucking here, and Gavin fucking found him. We were wrong, and we let him wander around helpless for a whole fucking year Jack. A whole fucking year he was alone. I abandoned Gavin and gave up on Michael. We were wrong Jack. We were wrong and I’m the biggest asshole this planet has ever seen.” he said, his voice taking on a more subdued tone.

“....Wait wait wait. This doesn’t make any sense. You aren’t making any sense Geoff. Think about what you are saying. Michael is gone. It hurts. But he is. We have to move past this. Ray is in Liberty fucking City. Ryan doesn’t even want to fucking talk to us half the time, and Gavin is out of his mind and we need to help him. These are facts. It’s also a fact that if we don’t fix this, Michael won't be the only one we’ve lost forever. Besides, if it really was Michael, what was he doing wandering around for a year?” Jack reasoned, trying to bring Geoff back down to Earth.

Geoff didn’t seem to want to dignify this with a proper response. Jack’s phone pinged with a text message notification. He pulled his phone away from his ear and put it on speaker while he opened the message. It was, unsurprisingly, from Geoff. There was silence on the other end of the line as Geoff waited for Jack to receive whatever had been sent. He could hear anxious pacing in the background as what seemed to be a picture loaded on his screen.

The picture loaded and for a moment, Jack felt his heart stop.

He was there, sitting on a worn green couch in a house Jack didn’t recognize, holding an ice pack to the back of his head and flipping off the camera with that familiar scowl on his face. He could see Gavin applying some sort of first aid to Michael, laughing at something Michael had just said. The same brown eyes, the same look, the same reaction to catching someone sneaking a photo. He wanted so badly for it to be real. For this to even be a possibility.

Fresh tears pricked at Jack’s eyes as he slowly sat down and stared at his phone. He covered his mouth, letting this new information settle within him. It didn’t seem possible. He was too scared to let this be true. He took a moment, but couldn’t justify what he was seeing right in front of him as real.

“I don’t...I don’t understand." He whispered, looking at the picture a little more closely. "Wait. What happened to his head?”

“It's a long story. Point is...He’s different….changed. He doesn’t remember any of us. Doesn’t like touch. He's kinda...closed off. He’s Michael….but not. I don’t know how to explain it. Gavin has taken it all in stride. Said something about amnesia and a way to potentially get him back to the way he was before. I don’t know Jack. All I know is that he’s here, and I have no fucking clue what to say or even do. What’s right or wrong. How to even begin to apologize. I have so many fucking questions….and there’s Ray and Ryan….” Geoff trailed off, sounding more and more like a lost child.

Jack took a deep breath and thought carefully about what Geoff had told him. Some of the things he was saying didn't sound like Michael at all. But he could already hear the hope in Geoff's tone. He couldn't bear to see that get crushed again. It would be so easy to fall into this fallacy. So easy to believe it was true. But he couldn't afford to. Not with the remaining relationships he had at stake. He would just have to see for himself. He shoved all of the pain, all of the fear, the doubt, into a corner in the back of his mind. This was clearly bigger than any single one of them was capable of handling. Whether Geoff had been tricked into believing a look alike, whether Gavin himself had been tricked by this impostor, he would find out. He wouldn’t drag Ryan and Ray into this until he was 100% sure. His family needed him, and his moment of weakness was over. He had to make sure this was real. For all of them. 

Because this was simply too good to be true. Everything they'd ever wanted this past year just falling in their lap? No. That never happened. And certainly not in the world they lived in. He would go, and assess, and take stock of whatever the fuck was happening. Standing up and wiping his eyes, he came to a decision.

"I'll be on the first plane out that I can manage. I have to set Lindsay up with running the crew first. But I'll be there. We'll figure this out." he said to Geoff firmly over the phone.

Real Michael, not real Michael, whoever he was, they’d figure it out together. Like they always had. Like they should have been this whole time. Maybe, just maybe, he had a chance to make things right. To keep his promise. At least half of it anyway. He would go with unclouded judgement and come to his own conclusions.. And if it turned out this Michael was an impostor? God help whoever had put the poor bastard up to it.

_"In return, always know, Geoff and I? We've got your back now. You and Gav both. Ray too. You don't have to do it alone anymore. We'll protect each other. Deal?”_

_"You've got yourself a deal."_


End file.
